[Intro] Spoken, whispered like a conspiracy video: Yo. You are not gonna believe this. The science guy got bills to pay. Vocal chop: Bill! Bill! Bill! Mush-room-money! [Beat Drop] Cowbell: Ding ding ding ding Cash register: Cha-ching! [Verse 1] I was scrolling at midnight Eating cold lo mein When I saw a little link That rewired my brain Blue bow tie in the thumbnail Looking scientific and sly Caption said “exclusive content” And I said, “That cannot be Nye” I clicked for the truth Like a fool with Wi-Fi There he was with a ring light And a mushroom supply Not that kind of dirty Keep your mind out the ditch He was selling lab coat thirst traps For a mycology fix [Pre-Chorus] Shiitake stacking Lion’s mane packed in Morels in the basement Cordyceps caption He said: “The fungus must grow” And the cash must flow Now the whole damn internet Needs to know [Chorus] Bill Nye got an OnlyFans For the mushroom money Bow tie tight And the lighting kinda funny Bill Nye got an OnlyFans For the mushroom habit If the spores get rare He’s gonna reach out and grab it Science rules But rent does too And those gourmet grow kits Cost more than my shoes Bill Nye got an OnlyFans For the mushroom money Bill! Bill! Bill! It’s weird, but honey [Post-Chorus] Vocal chop: Mushroom money Mushroom money Bill Bill Bill Mushroom money Spoken: Not illegal. Just deeply confusing. [Verse 2] He had a tier called “Lab Report” A tier called “Spore Daddy” A tier where he explains Why your compost smells badly A fog machine blowing Like a science fair dream While he whispered “photosynthesis” Over lo-fi screams Someone tipped fifty dollars Said “show us the cap” He pulled out a portobello And gave it a tap Then he said: “Observe the gills” With a wink so dry Half the chat got educated And nobody knew why [Pre-Chorus] Oyster mushrooms Button mushrooms Growing in the dark He’s got a humidifier And a Patreon arc He said: “The fungus must grow” And the cash must flow Put the spores in the bag Let the algorithm know [Chorus] Bill Nye got an OnlyFans For the mushroom money Bow tie tight And the lighting kinda funny Bill Nye got an OnlyFans For the mushroom habit If the spores get rare He’s gonna reach out and grab it Science rules But rent does too And those gourmet grow kits Cost more than my shoes Bill Nye got an OnlyFans For the mushroom money Bill! Bill! Bill! It’s weird, but honey [Bridge] Spoken over beat: I am not mad. I am not judging. I am simply asking why the subscription bundle comes with a PDF called “Fungi After Dark.” Beat pause. That’s educationally upsetting. [Breakdown] Cowbell: Ding ding ding ding Vocal chop: Science! Spores! Cash! More! Spoken: He said it was for research. Baby, that invoice said “premium substrate.” [Final Chorus] Bill Nye got an OnlyFans For the mushroom money Internet cursed But the spores look lovely Bill Nye got an OnlyFans For the mushroom habit Bow tie shining Like a disco rabbit Science rules But bills hit hard Now there’s a grow tent In his damn backyard Bill Nye got an OnlyFans For the mushroom money Bill! Bill! Bill! The fungus got funny [Outro] Spoken: Please like, subscribe, and respect the scientific method. Vocal chop: Bill! Bill! Bill! Mush-room-money!
