[Verse 1] Woke up face-down on a motel chair With barbecue sauce in my underwear One boot gone and my truck won’t start Somebody stole my Walmart card My cousin Earl said “Don’t ask why” There’s chicken feathers on the satellite Sheriff smilin’ way too wide Said “Son… you cannot legally ride A lawnmower through a Taco Bell drive-thru line” [Pre-Chorus] I said “Officer I can explain…” He said “Buddy, That’s exactly what scares me.” [Chorus] There’s no going back After moonshine and gas station wine No going back After textin’ your ex at half past nine I crossed that line Like a shopping cart on ice Now the whole damn county Knows my business twice No… there’s no going back [Verse 2] Mama called around noon today Said “The church folks saw your cabaret” I said “Mama, that ain’t the truth” She said “Then why’s there video proof?” My buddy Hank got stuck in a tree Tryin’ to prove he could waterski Behind a tractor through a floodin’ ditch Now he’s locally famous… which ain’t rich [Pre-Chorus] Every bad plan Starts with “Hold my beer” And somehow ends With paramedics near [Chorus] There’s no going back After dancin’ naked with a leaf blower fan No going back After tattooing “FREE BIRD” on your friend Carl’s hand The jukebox laughed The bartender cried And somebody’s grandma Started crowd surfing by Lord… there’s no going back [Bridge] [Half-time groove with drunken saloon piano and harmonica] The mayor banned me from the rodeo For “excessive enthusiasm” Still not sure what that means But apparently fireworks Should never be taped to a goat [Final Chorus] There’s no going back Once your mugshot hits Facebook memes No going back Once your family stops defending your dreams I might lay low For a week or two But Friday night’s coming And we all know what that means No… there’s absolutely Positively Spiritually No going back
