THE T ON COFFEE CHAT Performed by Turtley [Spoken Intro — soft keys, coffee pouring] Saturday. Crossing the street. Minding my business. Shake picks me up, brings me home. I’m thinking—water, lettuce, peace. Next morning: “GOOD MORNING, COFFEE CHAT!” You rescued me… And put me on speakerphone? [Beat drops] I’m fed up. Open the files. [Chorus — smooth R&B, stacked harmonies] Coffee Chat, let me spill that tea, Shake brought me home—now y’all live with me. I came for water, a bite, and a nap, Woke up to everybody on the app. Ooh, let a little turtle sleep, Why’s this conversation six cups deep? Came out my shell just to sing this back: Here’s the T on Coffee Chat! [Verse 1 — melodic, playful] Lisa ran water, now she runs the flow, “One quick question”—there’s my morning, though. Says, “Stay on topic!” Girl, that’s a dream— This room got more tabs than your screen. [1-bar instrumental break] Dac signed up—now she’s scared of the hook. You ordered the roast. Let the turtle cook. [1-bar instrumental break] Niki’s here so much, got slippers on the floor, Don’t tap “Join the room”—just knock on Niki’s door. [1-bar instrumental break] Sylvie talks AI: “Try this app.” Built me a pond with a single tap. “Bonjour, little turtle!” Girl, here’s the catch: I can’t get wet inside a chat. [1-bar instrumental break] Mama K keeps everything neat, Had me wiping all four feet. Started dusting my shell—I said, “Please! That’s my house, not a centerpiece!” [1-bar instrumental break] [Spoken — dry delivery] Mama K… You gotta knock first. [Short Chorus — warm harmonies] Coffee Chat, let me spill that tea, Shake brought me home—now y’all live with me. I came for water, a bite, and a nap, Woke up to everybody on the app. [Verse 2 — rhythmic singing] Lea, two phones—who you talking to? “Which one, Turtley? I’m in twenty-two.” Put me on hold with a “Back real soon”— The hold music was her in another room! [1-bar instrumental break] Adrienne said, “We can get you press.” “I’m a lost turtle!” “A comeback—yes!” Three days quiet, now I’m booked all week, She sold my hiding as “mystique.” [1-bar instrumental break] Lauren sends rockets, left and right, Got the whole chat taking flight. Space travel’s cute—here’s what I need: One small step toward some turtle feed. [1-bar instrumental break] Shawn dropped a lounge song, smooth and sweet, Now it’s black tie just to take a seat. Sang “Good morning” in that velvet key, I came for coffee—paid a cover fee. [1-bar instrumental break] [Spoken — finger snaps] Shawn, this IS my formal shell. It’s nine in the morning. [Rap Verse — confident West Coast bounce] Shake, West Coast Virgo, knows it all, Got a fact-check ready for the way I crawl. Asked for lettuce; he said, “Build your brand.” This man put a turtle in a five-year plan. [1-bar instrumental break] Z in the hookah lounge: “I don’t do mess.” Toss one pebble—y’all do the rest. No fingerprints, just a sweet little grin, She don’t drop a diss—she just tags Shake in. [1-bar instrumental break] Gilead brings news, veteran command, Wants a man to lead—then hands him her plan. “Take charge, baby!” He’s ready to start… She’s got director’s notes for his part. [1-bar instrumental break] Nelson, Million Man Marathon, founder with the crown, Built the app; can’t get this room to settle down. He ain’t running nothing—mods control the pace, I crossed half a street and still won the race. [1-bar instrumental break] [Spoken — folder snaps shut] Shake said my verse needs a correction. You’re fact-checking a turtle’s diss track. That’s why you got four bars. [1-bar instrumental break] [Bridge — dramatic R&B crooning] I was a turtle just the other day, Now I’m in a booth with bills to pay. Lead AND background? All that is me? Then three bowls of lettuce—that’s my fee. [Spoken — backing vocals continue] Wait. You rescued ONE turtle. How’d you get a whole R&B group? [1-bar instrumental break] [Final Chorus — full harmonies, joyful ad-libs] Coffee Chat, let me spill that tea, Shake brought me home—now y’all live with me. I came for water, a bite, and a nap, Woke up to everybody on the app. Ooh, let a little turtle sleep, Why’s this conversation six cups deep? I know all your voices; I’m laughing right back… Don’t tell nobody—I like Coffee Chat. [Outro — sleepy spoken delivery] Tomorrow morning? Headphones. And don’t play this on repeat by my bowl. I already lived it. …Lisa, what time we starting? Don’t make it a thing. [Soft falsetto] Let me sleeeep…
