[Intro] This cat had a mission, A simple one at that: Scout the roads, check the board, And bring the horses back! But near the old hospital They heard a dreadful sound, A family trapped inside a house With the undead all around! [Verse 1] "This cat says keep on riding, There's far too many here!" Christian nodded wisely, But the girls refused to hear. Tsani said, "We have to help!" Anga joined her call. This cat questioned, "What do we gain From useless hobos after all?" Tsani did the sad eyes. [CAT] Don't do that. Then she charged into the horde. ...Oh for fuck's sake. Cat reluctantly drew his sword. [Chorus] NOT OUR PROBLEM! NOT OUR FIGHT! This cat would like to make it Back to church alive tonight! But Tsani sees a stranger And her conscience starts to call— [CAT] This cat cannot save everyone! [TSANI & ANGA] WE CAN SAVE THEM ALL! [Verse 2] Anga froze the rabble, Tsani hit the fray, Christian shattered zombies While Cat thundered them away! Runners came from nowhere, A fattie joined the fight, Then sprayed its guts on Cat and Tsani— [CAT] What a lovely fucking sight. Christian broke his bloody hand, Then twisted his ankle too, He notched his sword and screamed aloud— [CHRISTIAN] I DIDN'T WANT TO FUCKING RESCUE YOU! At last they killed the final dead, The family stepped outside: A mother, father, two small kids— And Tsani nearly cried. [Verse 3] She gave away her rations, Then offered them our home. [CAT & CHRISTIAN] NO! [TSANI] They're coming. [CAT] Tsani— [TSANI] They're coming. The father said he'd farmed a bit, And cut some timber too. [CAT] Do you own a saw? [FATHER] ...No. [CAT] Of fucking course you don't. Why would you? Anga threatened not to scout, Tsani wouldn't bend, So Cat let them ride on Clippy— [CAT] Don't make me regret this, woman. [Chorus] NOW OUR PROBLEM! NOW OUR FIGHT! [TSANI & ANGA] Sometimes doing something good Is simply doing what is right! [CAT & CHRISTIAN] We fought a horde of zombies, Nearly fucking died today— [TSANI] But look! We saved a family! [CAT] Can we PLEASE just go home?! [Verse 4] Then down the road came Thaddeus, Who begged them for their aid. [CHRISTIAN] I don't trust him. [CAT] Neither do I. [TSANI] He's just scared! [CAT] Of course you're swayed. He grabbed poor Tsani by the arms, Cat's sword went to his throat: [CAT] Touch her one more fucking time And that's all that she wrote. His eyes flashed red, the world went black— Cat knew they'd made a slip. He banished Cat and Christian straight On one infernal trip! [Bridge] Their weapons burned with magic, Their armour came aglow— [CAT] Okay, this is kinda fucking cool. [CHRISTIAN] CAT, WE HAVE TO GO! Back home Tsani fought him, While plagued by dirty fleas, The father grabbed his farming hoe And charged courageously! Tsani clawed Fat Tits' face, His concentration broke— [CAT] WE'RE BACK! [CHRISTIAN] MOVE! [CAT] Let's kill this cunt! But Thaddeus thunder-stepped away, The blast consumed them all... And when the smoke had cleared the road, The father did not rise at all. [Verse 5] His wife held tight her children. Tsani bowed her head. Christian made quite certain That the fallen stayed dead. Cat wrapped him in an old torn tarp And laid him over Rose. [CAT] We'll take him home. We'll burn him right. And quietly they rose. Tsani walked beside this cat, [TSANI] We still did what was right. [CAT] And this is why this cat said We should've kept riding tonight. [Final Chorus] NOT OUR PROBLEM! NOT OUR FIGHT! Yet two small children made it home Because they stopped that night. A mother lived to hold them, Though their father paid the cost... Perhaps you cannot save someone Without risking what gets lost. [Finale] Four scouts rode out that morning, One simple job to do. They came back home with three more mouths... One corpse... And fucking fleas too. [CAT] Worth it? [TSANI] Yes. [CHRISTIAN] No. [ANGA] Yes. [CAT] ...fucking women.
