Verse 1 I woke up with a teacup crown And a tie made out of string Posted a thought about a pigeon Being head of marketing The serious men with serious chins Were polishing their brand While I drew graphs of breakfast eggs And called it “growth, but planned” Pre-Chorus And somewhere in the scrolling fog A stranger raised their hand Said, “Is this wisdom, is this nonsense?” I said, “Yes — now join the band” Chorus Be weirder on LinkedIn Ten times weirder, friend A hundred if your porridge hit A glorious dividend Be stranger in the daylight Put thunder in your grin Write yourself a permission slip Welcome to Weird LinkedIn Verse 2 I ghostwrote for the founders In their navy quarter-zips Two hundred posts in sixty days With synergy on their lips But the ones that started swimming Like goldfish in champagne Were never “five key learnings” They were poems about a train Pre-Chorus So experiment in public Let your clever socks be seen Have an opinion wearing antlers And a velvet submarine Chorus Be weirder on LinkedIn Ten times weirder, friend A hundred if your breakfast gave Your frontal lobe a bend Be silly with precision Let the oddness settle in Make a stranger laugh on mute Welcome to Weird LinkedIn Bridge Take that, Claude I made this mess myself No robot spilled this custard From the top creative shelf Take that, Claude This brain is off its lead It’s wearing little tap shoes And refusing to proceed Middle 8 Post a carousel of feelings Post a haiku about cashflow Post a sketch of your ambition As a duck in a CEO’s bow Say the thing but say it crooked Make the boring world less thin If they wanted beige wallpaper They would not have logged in Final Chorus Be weirder on LinkedIn Ten times weirder, friend A hundred if your toast came out Philosophical again Go strange, but make it human Let the good absurdity begin Write the post that proves you’re breathing Welcome to Weird LinkedIn Outro I am on my knees, begging With a biscuit and a grin Please stop posting like a spreadsheet Welcome to Weird LinkedIn
