Wonder Woman

[Intro: dry close-mic rapid deliver. Crisp, clear] [Bass metallic string snaps, hammer-ons, stop-start rhythm] [Vocal: monotone deadpan] His teeth had more gaps Than the smile on the app And I was suspicious The abs were fictitious His hair said 1987 In a box-dye kind of way Bleached with conviction And highlighted by mistake [Verse 1] [Banjo percussive clawhammer transients] [Bass metallic string snaps, hammer-ons, stop-start rhythm] [vocals remain deadpan] He showed up hopeful With a carnival grin Holding a package Like the night might still win He said, “I brought you something” With a brave little glow And I thought, maybe flowers Maybe chocolate, who knows He handed it over Like a prize from a quest I unwrapped it politely Like a citizenship test [Vocals remain deadpan] There lay Wonder Woman Underoos I said “oh wow” when our eyes met And I tried to remember Where she parked her invisible jet I forced my face to laugh Said, “you shouldn’t have, Hank” And scanned the room for someone Filming this prank [Chorus: clipped comic hook] [single female vocal, restrained] Smile and sidestep Casual backstep He brought me Underoos And a van with a view Smile and sidestep Sweet little backstep My mouth said “thank you” But my spine said “move” [Verse 2: half-sung dry vocal] [string-snap rhythm] [harmonica stabs between lines] He said he works hard He said he’s got plans A traveling showman With applause in his hands He sings and he dances He tells jokes on the side And teaches people skydiving When the wind is right He loves Mother Earth So he lives in his van Then invited me over Like that sweetened the plan I laughed at a joke That had nowhere to land Then slid half an inch From the reach of his hand [Pre-Chorus: sparse stop-start groove] [bass metallic string snaps, hammer-ons] [string-snap rhythm] I didn’t want to be mean I didn’t want to be cruel I didn’t want to puncture His balloon-animal cool So I nodded real gentle While my blood ran fast Planning the exit dashes From behind my lashes [Chorus: clipped comic hook] [single female vocal, dry and forward] Smile and sidestep Casual backstep He brought me Underoos And a van with a view Smile and sidestep Sweet little backstep My mouth said “thank you” But my spine said “move” [Bridge: calm half-spoken deadpan] [minimal percussion] Now listen. He was not a bad person. He was eager. He was hopeful. He came bearing gifts. It’s just that the gift was superhero underwear, his house had wheels, and every time he stepped toward me, my body filed papers at the top of the Department of Absolutely Not. [Verse 3: stop-start Staccato delivery] [metallic string attack] [harmonica answers with short stabs] He stepped in closer, I stepped away He tried it again I inspected a tray He laughed too loud I laughed too hard He called it chemistry I called it alarm I wondered if Wonder Woman Had a protocol for this Maybe bracelet deflection Or an ejector lift But I had my purse And a half-charged phone And a smile that said I should be going home [Break: clanky banjo feature] [clanky clawhammer, metallic string snaps] [dry staccato harmonica] [tight kick, dry snare] Step-step, backstep Smile tight, sidestep Keys click, heart kick Laugh at the wrong bit Van man, big plan Under-roo, can-do Teeth gone, hair bright Exit left, goodnight [Last Chorus: same size, no lift] [single vocal only - crisp] Smile and sidestep Quick little backstep He brought me Underoos And a van with a view Smile and sidestep Sweet little backstep My mouth said “thank you” But my spine said “move” Smile and sidestep Polite little escape Wave from the car With the locks engaged And once I was safe I laughed so hard Had to admit Best date so far [Outro: calm deadpan] [harmonica clipped once] He had fewer teeth Than the smile in his pictures He had Wonder Woman Underoos He had goals I kept the Underoos [mumbled - quietly spoken] "Consolation prize. For the scrapbook of the most amazing time of life so far." [end]