Well, grab yourself a Thermos for your flaky epidermis Since you're lookin’ kinda pinker than a pickled pachydermis! It’s the largest human organ—yeah, it’s really quite a winner Though it’s thinner than the crust upon a frozen TV dinner! (Slide whistle) Four little millimeters! That’s all that’s keepin’ in your juice! Until you start to sizzle and the top layer shakes loose! Falling under skin to skin—don’t let the bacteria in! (Honk! Honk!) Oh! Your skin is a-peeling! What a wonderful feeling! The UV is broiling and your forehead is squealing! (Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) From the dermis to the thermos, yeah, we’re keeping it thin Just a crispy little human in a baggie of skin! Drawn to the fire, let the blisters begin! Body under skin to skin! (Slide whistle up/down) Now, Daedalus told Icarus, "Now, listen to me, son... You better slather on the Zinc before your day is done." But Icky was a rebel, he was drawn toward the light And he didn't bring his Parasol to help him in the fight. (Sizzling bacon sound) He wasn't plummeting because the wax began to liquefy... He was reachin’ for the Aloe ‘cause his shoulder was a-fry! (Deep voice: "He missed a spot!") Now you're lookin’ like a lobster that was dropped into a volcano! And your shoulders are as crunchy as a crispy baked potato! It’s Nature’s own confetti! It’s a snack-sized skin-chip treat! (Honk! Honk!) I got a permanent white t-shirt from the tractor-driving heat! Falling under skin to skin! The Hell’s Itch is a-thrummin’! You can hear the dermatologists—they’re all a-runnin’ and a-commin’! My back is lookin’ topographical! My nose is lookin’ tropical! The amount of goop I’m applyin’ is strictly pharmacological! (Rapid-fire accordion trill) Oh! Your skin is a-peeling! What a wonderful feeling! The UV is broiling and your forehead is squealing! (Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) From the dermis to the thermos, yeah, we’re keeping it thin Just a crispy little human in a baggie of skin! Drawn to the fire, let the blisters begin! Body under skin to skin! (Cymbal Crash) The doctor’s got a scalpel and a very scary plan... But I’m just a man... With a gallon of SPF ninety-four and a spray-on tan! (Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) (SPLAT! Slide whistle down) (Triumphant Final Accordion Squeeze)
