Falling Again

not again... don’t fall again… don’t pleeease— don’t… I can feel it, the rush in your veins, the shimmer before the rain. you smile like you’ve forgotten the fire, but I remember every flame. you call it healing, I call it ache. you keep building, I just break. I hold you up each time you bend, but I can’t start over again. When you fall, we fall too far, you reach for love, I brace for scars. every time you chase the flame, I’m the one that feels the pain. I’ll hold you still, I always have, but please, don’t make me fall again. you laugh like the air is clean, but I’m still choking on the dream. you love like it’s something new, while I’m mending what we’ve been through. you never see the cost you leave, you just breathe and I believe. I can’t hate you, I never can, but I’m so tired of beginning again. you ever tell yourself you’re okay so many times that you almost believe it? then one night, someone smiles like they mean it, and I feel it starting again. You keep saying we’re healed, but we’re not. I'm just quieter about the pain now. You keep saying we’ve moved on, but why do I still shake when you smile? it’s so stupid, you were fine, we were fine… it hasn’t been often, but each time cuts deeper. I tell myself it won’t happen again, and then I blink, and we're falling again. ha-hah, no... I...CANT...DO THIS AGAIN!!! okay, okay, just breathe... it’s fine, it’s fine... I'm fine... we're fine... No, it’s not fine. but... it’s gonna stop... right? When you fall, we fall apart, love will leave, it always scars. every time you reach that flame, I’m the one that takes the pain. I’ll keep you beating, it’s what I am, but please, don’t make me fall again. “Hey… how’s your day been?” “I’m good! Just getting ready for the weekend.” fuck… too late, isn’t it? … we’ve already fallen.