[Verse] I bought a used spaceship from a guy named Steve, In a parking lot behind a Denny's. He said, "She's a beauty, Only flown on weekends." I said, "Why's the engine smoking?" He said, "That's normal, don't panic." I should've recognized that answer As a gigantic red flag. The cup holder was a coffee can, The dashboard was duct tape. The owner's manual was twelve pages long And mostly covered legal waivers. [Chorus] I bought a used spaceship from a guy named Steve, And every day I learn something new. Like why the emergency exit Shouldn't also be the bathroom. I bought a used spaceship from a guy named Steve, The deal was too good to be true. Now I'm crossing the galaxy Held together with glue. [Verse] The navigation system speaks In a suspiciously nervous tone. "Warning: Asteroid field ahead." Then quietly, "I believe in you." The windshield wipers activate Whenever I play jazz. And somehow the air conditioning Only cools one leg. The left one. Not the right one. Just enough to be annoying. [Chorus] I bought a used spaceship from a guy named Steve, And every mile reveals a flaw. Yesterday the cruise control Started quoting ancient law. I bought a used spaceship from a guy named Steve, I should've walked away. But he threw in a free laser cannon, And that really sealed the deal. [Verse] Halfway past Orion The engine made a sound. Not a mechanical sound. A disappointed sound. The fuel gauge said "Full." The fuel tank said "Empty." The onboard computer solved the dispute By displaying a shrug emoji. I found a mysterious button Labeled simply: "Do not." Which is the most tempting thing I've ever seen. [Bridge] The cargo bay contains a goat. I don't own a goat. Nobody knows where the goat came from. The goat appears to know more About the ship than I do. Frankly, That concerns me. [Breakdown] Check engine! Check gravity! Check reality itself! Check engine! Check gravity! Check something on shelf twelve! A warning light appeared today. It wasn't there before. The label just says: "Probably fine." Which somehow worries me more. [Verse] I finally called Steve for help. He answered on the first ring. I said, "The hyperdrive exploded." He said, "Ah, yeah." I said, "'Yeah'?!" He said, "Did you press the button?" I said, "Which button?" He said, "Exactly." And hung up. [Final Chorus] I bought a used spaceship from a guy named Steve, And despite everything that's gone wrong, I've grown strangely attached To this interstellar disaster. I bought a used spaceship from a guy named Steve, She's loud and falling apart. But every weird rattle and explosion Has a special place in my heart. [Outro] I just received a message. From Steve. It says: "Hey. Found your warranty." There is a photo attached. The warranty expired Three hundred years ago. Before the ship was built. ... That's probably not a good sign.
