WHERE’S MY CELLO? JB Fleet [Intro: Silence, deep Southern baritone, spoken] Hold on… hold on… Somebody tell me something. I came in here with a cello. Four strings. Big wooden body. Little bit of an attitude. I set her down for TWO minutes… Now I can’t find her nowhere. [Cello: Distant low note] What the hell was that? [Cello: Three sneaky notes] Girl, is that YOU? [Cello: Fast sarcastic riff] Don’t get smart with me! I’m the one that brought you here! [Cello: Exaggerated low slide] Oh, we doing this tonight? [DROP: Massive 808 bass, funky cello] [Verse 1: Funky Southern rap] Walked through the door with a case in my hand, Pocket full of groove and a foolproof plan. Turned my back, now the case sitting bare, Four strings gone, she ain’t nowhere. Checked by the speakers, searched backstage, Found my girl posted on somebody’s stage. Asked, “What you doing?” She answered with a sting, Three low notes made the whole room ring. I said, “Come on, we got work to do!” She bent that note like, “Who talking to who?” I laughed, “You got nerve, you wooden queen!” She slapped that bass like a funk machine. Drummer grinned while the sound man froze, Somebody yelled, “What in the world is those?” I said, “That’s my girl, she’s built that way, Give her some room and let that woman play!” [Pre-Chorus: Cello answers each line] I say low! [Cello: BOOM] She say lower! [Cello: BWOOM] I say slow! [Cello: Fast run] She say, “Watch me show ya!” I say wait! She say, “Not yet!” I say, “Girl…” She say, “You ain’t seen nothing yet!” [Chorus: Heavy 808, funky cello hook] Where’s my cello? There she go! Where’s my cello? Down below! Boom-boom, let it roll! Low-low, shake your soul! Tell her, “Stop!” She says, “No!” Where’s my cello? There she go! Four strings, one big sound, Shake that floor, shake that ground! No hard feelings, lose control, Where’s my cello? There she go! [Instrumental: Two cellos trade wild funky riffs, left and right stereo, massive bass drop] [Verse 2: Playful rhythmic swagger] Then she found a partner leaning by the wall, Said, “Come on, sister, we can charm ’em all!” One climbed high, one thundered deep, Had the rhythm section dancing in their sleep. One tossed a phrase, the other fired back, Two wooden wiseguys on a Southern trap track. Nobody throwing shade, nobody getting pressed, Just two old souls playing at their best. One played velvet, one played grit, Both locked tight when the pocket hit. One slid sideways, one caught the phrase, Passed it right back through a smoky haze. I said, “Ladies, can I get one word?” They hit a note like they never even heard. I said, “Fine, I’ll sit and drink my beer!” Then the bass hit twice and shook my chair! [Spoken: Drums stop] Now see… That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Y’all linked up… And forgot who hauled you here! [Both cellos: Teasing synchronized riff] Oh, that’s funny? All right then. [Pre-Chorus: Faster cello responses] I say left! [Cello: Left] She say right! [Cello: Right] I say easy! They say, “Not tonight!” One climbs high! One drops low! I say, “Stop!” They say, “Let’s go!” [Chorus: Two cellos, full bass] Where’s my cello? There they go! Where’s my cello? Steal the show! Boom-boom, let it roll! High-low, shake your soul! Tell ‘em, “Stop!” They say, “No!” Where’s my cello? There they go! Eight strings, one big sound, Shake that floor, shake that ground! No hard feelings, lose control, Where’s my cello? There they go! [Bridge: Half-time, deep spoken baritone] You know what’s funny? I spent all night trying to find my sound. Turns out… It was right there making friends while I was running around. [Cello 1: Warm melody] Yeah… I hear you. [Cello 2: Gentle harmony] And I hear you too. Different hands. Different strings. Same fire in the air. [Silence] Now quit getting tender… AND HIT THAT THING! [FINAL DROP: Explosive distorted cello, thunderous 808, double-time trap drums] [Final Chorus: Maximum energy] Where’s my cello? There she go! Where’s my cello? Down below! Boom-boom, let it roll! Low-low, shake your soul! Two of ’em talking, Take control! Where’s my cello? There they go! Where’s my cello? Steal the show! One brings rhythm, One brings soul, Put ’em in the pocket, Let the good times roll! Four strings, eight strings, Everybody sing! Where’s my cello? Let them cellos ring! [Outro: Drums fade, playful cello] Well… That turned out pretty good. Now come on, girl. Let’s go home. [Cello: Stubborn low note] What you mean, no? [Second cello answers] Oh, NOW there’s two of you? [Both cellos: Fast cheeky flourish] Lord have mercy… I ain’t never getting outta here. [One enormous low cello note, abrupt stop] [End]
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