a little bit of ennui

One, two, three, four, five, I bottle it up just to keep me alive. A little bit of sadness, a little despair, A little existential crisis in the air. I push it down deep, I keep it inside, Let the pressure build 'til it can't be denied, No therapy, no self-care plan, Just a punk rock heart and a trembling hand. A little bit of rage in my melody, A little bit of doubt creepin’ into me, A little bit of dread when I close my eyes, A little bit of panic I internalize, A little bit of tears when I hit the chords, A little bit of screaming but I keep it stored. Now I let it out in a violent spree, That’s how I shake off a little ennui. I wake up late, drink cold caffeine, Stare at the wall while I kill my dreams, Say I'm fine, "c’est la vie," When inside I’m conducting a symphony. Of minor chords and feedback wails, Of drowning thoughts and bitten nails, But I’ll make it loud, gotta get it right, When I get on stage and set it alight! They say "just breathe, take a break, find peace," But I find release in the loudest beats, Repression’s an art, and honey, I’m skilled, But music’s the place where the void gets filled. A little bit of rage in my melody, A little bit of doubt creepin’ into me, A little bit of fear when I hear the news, A little bit of joy when I wreck my shoes, A little bit of spite when I write these lines, A little bit of hope when the chorus shines. Now I let it out in a violent spree, That’s how I shake off a little ennui! Uno, dos, tres—repress.