I DON'T WANNA FEEL [Intro] Yeah... I been running from myself so long I don't even know what I'm running from anymore... Fuck it. Turn the lights off. [Hook] I don't wanna feel, I don't wanna feel, Every time I let it in, it just reminds me it's real, I been smiling through the pain, but the smile ain't healed, Got a heart full of scars that I don't know how to seal. I don't wanna feel, I just wanna go numb, Too much shit in my head and it's all getting loud, Everybody says I'm strong, but they don't know what I've become, I'm still here, still breathing, but I'm barely around. [Verse 1] I got memories embedded in the walls of my brain, Every thought turns toxic, every thought leaves a stain, I been walking through the rain with a smile on my face, While the weight on my shoulders got me breaking my frame. I don't talk about the nights when I couldn't sleep, Or the people that I lost that still follow my dreams, Or the promises I made that I couldn't keep, Or the parts of myself that I buried too deep. I been fighting my reflection, trying to recognize me, Looking in the mirror like, "Who the fuck am I, G?" I can turn a broken moment to a verse in a heartbeat, But I can't turn the volume down when the hurt speaks. So I write it, rewrite it, recite it, ignite it, Put the pain in the page and then fight it, Every line is a piece of my mind I'm providing, But the silence comes back when the beat stops riding. [Pre-Hook] And I know I should open up, But every time I do, I get fucked up, So I bottle it, lock it, Put a smile on the top of it... [Hook] I don't wanna feel, I don't wanna feel, Every time I let it in, it just reminds me it's real, I been smiling through the pain, but the smile ain't healed, Got a heart full of scars that I don't know how to seal. I don't wanna feel, I just wanna go numb, Too much shit in my head and it's all getting loud, Everybody says I'm strong, but they don't know what I've become, I'm still here, still breathing, but I'm barely around. [Verse 2] Maybe I'm addicted to the ache that I carry, Maybe pain feels safer when you're used to the damage, Maybe every "I'm fine" is a lie that I practiced, Maybe being vulnerable feels worse than the sadness. I got trust issues stacked like bricks in a fortress, Every door got a lock, every lock got a purpose, I don't know how to love without fearing the surface, So I push people out, then I'm hurt when they desert me. And that's fucked up, I know it, I can see my mistakes but I still sometimes repeat 'em, I can say that I'm changing, but change ain't a statement, It's waking up every day and deciding to mean it. I don't wanna be numb, I just don't wanna hurt, There's a difference between healing and avoiding the worst, So I'm staring at the mirror with my hands in the dirt, Trying to build something beautiful from everything that got burned. [Bridge] Maybe I don't need to hide... Maybe I don't need to lie... Maybe feeling all this pain Means I'm still alive inside. I don't wanna feel... But I don't wanna disappear. I don't wanna hurt... I just wanna make it through here. [Verse 3] So fuck being perfect, I'm accepting the cracks, Every scar on my soul is a part of my past, I ain't proud of every chapter, but I'm owning the facts, 'Cause you can't rewrite the story when you're hiding the pages. I got people that I love, got a reason to stay, Got a little girl who sees me in a different way, And I wanna be the man who can look in her face And say, "Daddy had his battles, but he found his way." So if I gotta feel it, let me feel every ounce, Let the tears hit the floor, let the truth come out, I've been scared of the pain, but I'm done running now, 'Cause the only way through it is to walk through it loud. [Final Hook] I don't wanna feel, I don't wanna feel, But I'm learning that the pain doesn't mean that I'm weak, I been carrying the weight, now I'm letting it breathe, Every scar is proof that the broken can heal. I don't wanna numb, I don't wanna run, I don't wanna hide from everything I've become, If my heart has to hurt just to know that it's real, Then I'll feel every fucking thing... [Outro] I don't wanna feel... But I'm still here. And maybe that's the point. I don't have to love the pain. I just gotta stop letting it control me. Platinum!
