The Man That Waters the Workers’ Beer

honky-tonk country, mainstream ’90s country, neo-traditional-leaning country-pop crossover

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I am the man, the very fat man
That waters the workers’ beer
I am the man, the very fat man
That waters the workers’ beer
And what do I care if it makes them ill
If it makes them terribly queer
I’ve a car, a yacht, and an aeroplane,
And I waters the workers’ beer.
(That is solid gold plumbing in the master bath!)

"Now when I waters the workers’ beer
I puts in strychnine
Some methylated spirits
And a can of kerosene"

Now I’m doin’ y’all a favor keepin’ this here brew so light,
Strychnine and kerosene would have you swingin’ in a fight.
Methylated spirits make the spirits far too high,
I drench that madness in the cask to help the time go by.
See, if I poured it honest, you’d be standin’ far too tall,
Organizin’ at the gate and hopin’ for my fall.
A strong and healthy workin’ class is surely what I fear,
So I reach for that old waterin’ can and water down the beer.
Beggin’ your pardon, ladies, in the corner lookin’ fine,
This ceremonial life of mine is lonesome by design.
The water rates reached a ceremonial peak of high expense,
And the meths is pricey too, it doesn't make much sense.
I smile as wide as a Cadillac grill and tip my hat with cheer,
Then I drain your pockets dry and water down your beer.

"Now a drop of good beer is good for a man
When he’s tired, thirsty and hot
And I sometimes have a drop myself
From a very special pot"
"For a strong and healthy working class
Is the thing that I most fear
So I reaches my hand for the watering can
And I waters the workers’ beer:"

I am the man, the very fat man
That waters the workers’ beer
(Waters the workers’ beer)
I am the man, the very fat man
That waters the workers’ beer
Big house on the hill, but ain’t nobody home tonight.
I’m the man (I’m the man)
The very fat man (the very fat man)
I tip my hat, I tap the can, I make it crystal clear,
I’m the man that waters the workers’ beer.
(Say it again!)
I am the man, the very fat man
That waters the workers’ beer.

2890/7500

The gala of the grease-stained shift commences at the door, I’m sweatin’ through my buttons while they’re stompin’ on the floor. I pinch the tap line tight and let the liquid gold go thin, Then reach for that old waterin’ can to let the profit in. They reckon I’m a dandy with a face as red as beet, While I’m skimmin’ from the till to keep my bankroll lookin’ sweet. Paid my formal reception fee and swept the sawdust clear, Then I douse the barrels down and water down the beer. I got a special pot for me, stashed back there in the shade, You lot get the drizzle while I drink the grade I made. I’m the man that waters the workers’ beer. I am the man, the very fat man That waters the workers’ beer I am the man, the very fat man That waters the workers’ beer And what do I care if it makes them ill If it makes them terribly queer I’ve a car, a yacht, and an aeroplane, And I waters the workers’ beer. (That is solid gold plumbing in the master bath!) "Now when I waters the workers’ beer I puts in strychnine Some methylated spirits And a can of kerosene" Now I’m doin’ y’all a favor keepin’ this here brew so light, Strychnine and kerosene would have you swingin’ in a fight. Methylated spirits make the spirits far too high, I drench that madness in the cask to help the time go by. See, if I poured it honest, you’d be standin’ far too tall, Organizin’ at the gate and hopin’ for my fall. A strong and healthy workin’ class is surely what I fear, So I reach for that old waterin’ can and water down the beer. Beggin’ your pardon, ladies, in the corner lookin’ fine, This ceremonial life of mine is lonesome by design. The water rates reached a ceremonial peak of high expense, And the meths is pricey too, it doesn't make much sense. I smile as wide as a Cadillac grill and tip my hat with cheer, Then I drain your pockets dry and water down your beer. I am the man, the very fat man That waters the workers’ beer I am the man, the very fat man That waters the workers’ beer And what do I care if it makes them ill If it makes them terribly queer I’ve a car, a yacht, and an aeroplane, And I waters the workers’ beer. (Italian leather seats in the cabin!) "Now a drop of good beer is good for a man When he’s tired, thirsty and hot And I sometimes have a drop myself From a very special pot" "For a strong and healthy working class Is the thing that I most fear So I reaches my hand for the watering can And I waters the workers’ beer:" I am the man, the very fat man That waters the workers’ beer (Waters the workers’ beer) I am the man, the very fat man That waters the workers’ beer Big house on the hill, but ain’t nobody home tonight. I’m the man (I’m the man) The very fat man (the very fat man) I tip my hat, I tap the can, I make it crystal clear, I’m the man that waters the workers’ beer. (Say it again!) I am the man, the very fat man That waters the workers’ beer.

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