MY 4 STAGES 3 TO AVOIDE STAGE ONE — I THOUGHT I WAS FREE [Young male voice, casual and confident; playful rhythm with a darker undertone] Born selfish, it's all I know, Cry till I get my way. Someone comes and gives me what I want, And I learn to live that way. The more I get, the more I want, The world is mine to take. Life is having things my way— What difference does it make? I know what fun is, let me show you, I can do just what I please. I can smoke and drink and chew, And chase the girls who do. [Rhythm picks up; cocky, almost laughing] Watch me drink! I can hold my own! I'm the wildest guy in town! They said I danced up on the table, Bought the whole place drinks all around! [Music stumbles; the morning after] When I woke up, my money was gone. My weekly pay had disappeared. My buddies said I'd bought the drinks— Funny, I don't remember being there. Maybe they were telling me the truth. Maybe they were covering their tracks. But where were all my friends last night? And why won't any of them come back? [Music darkens; the beat slows] The drugs they bought were meant for fun. Now my friends are dead and gone. I thought that I was living free. I never saw what it was doing to me. I wanted more, I wanted it all. I never thought that I could fall. I thought I had life under control— Now I'm watching it swallow me whole. [Silence; spoken, shaken] What have I done? Where do I go? I can't keep living like this. But I don't know how to stop. [Transition — slow piano, a little hope] I need some rules to guide me through, Some lines I know I shouldn't cross. A way to tell what's safe and true, Before I lose what's left of what I've got. I need a road. I need a guide. I need to know which way is right. If I can't trust the things I want, Perhaps religion can show me how to live. STAGE TWO — SHOW ME WHAT IS RIGHT [Steady rhythm enters; sincere, hopeful, determined] So, religion, give me rules to live by. Give me standards I must keep. Tell me what is wrong and right, And must live the life I seek. "Treat others as you'd have them treat you." It sounds so good. It must be true. I'll learn the rules. I'll do my best. Perhaps at last I'll find some rest. I'll put my wildness to the test. I'll leave behind what I regret. I'll learn to do what I should do. I'll build a life that's straight and true. [Subtle unease enters beneath the melody] But what if I know what I ought to do, And still do the things I swore I'd never do? What if I know how to treat someone right, But can't make my heart do it when I fight? I know I should love. I know I should care. I know I should give, be honest and fair. But knowing the good doesn't make it appear. The harder I try, the more I see clear. I thought the danger was out there somewhere, In the drink, the drugs, the people I knew. But what if the trouble I've carried all along Is something inside me that follows me through? [Music grows tense; the confidence begins to crack] I know what is right. Why can't I live it? I know what is good. Why can't my heart give it? I've tried to be good. I've tried to obey. But I can't keep living this way. If these rules are supposed to make me right, Why am I still losing this fight? [Quiet realization] The law showed me what love should be, But it couldn't put that love in me. I knew how I wanted others to care. Could I give them the same love when they needed me there? I wanted the goodness. I wanted the peace. I thought if I tried, my failures would cease. But rules could tell me the good I should do; They couldn't make my heart loving and true. STAGE THREE — I'LL MAKE MY OWN RULES [The marching rhythm breaks apart; skeptical, wounded, increasingly defiant] Maybe religion doesn't have the answer. Maybe all these rules are man-made lies. They tell me what I ought to be, But never change what's deep inside. They say their way is the only way. They judge my life, then look away. They tell me what is wrong with me, But where's the change they promised I'd see? Perhaps there's no one up above Who's going to fill my heart with love. Perhaps the standards I was taught Are just the rules that someone brought. [Beat returns, cooler and more self-assured] I'll make my own rules. I'll choose my own way. I'll decide what matters from day to day. If I can't be good by the rules they gave, I'll set my own standards and call myself brave. When I fall short, I'll lower the bar. I'll move what's right to wherever I are. If I can't reach the standard, I'll bring it down. Then I can feel good when no one's around. [Spoken, with a bitter little laugh] Funny how easy it is to feel better When you change the rules instead of yourself. NOW GO TO PART 2
