A tender little political folk song, performed with all the sincerity he brought to his principles [Verse One] He called the man a bigot, A wrecking ball, a fraud, Said voting for the fellow Was a most disastrous thought. But power changed the weather, And Lindsey read the sign, Then traded every warning For a seat beside the shrine. [Chorus] So raise a glass to Lindsey, That faithful friend of might, Who bravely found convictions That could change by Tuesday night. With courage made of rubber And a backbone made of twine, There never was a straighter man Than Lindsey’s curving spine. [Verse Two] “Use all my words against me,” He solemnly declared. “No judges in election years, The voters must be heard.” Then Ruth departed from us, With ballots nearly due, And suddenly his sacred rule Applied to someone new. [Chorus] So raise a glass to Lindsey, Defender of the rule, Except when rules grew awkward Or made his party lose. Precedent was precious Till it blocked the grand design, Then justice wore a blindfold Made from Lindsey’s missing spine. [Verse Three] He cherished every marriage, Provided it was straight, And worked to keep the Constitution Guarding heaven’s gate. When queer Americans asked him To let their vows endure, He voted no, because their love Made freedom less secure. [Verse Four] “Let every state decide it,” Was Lindsey’s grand refrain, Until the states decided In a way he couldn’t tame. Then Washington was useful, And federal power divine, When writing fifteen weeks into The lives of womankind. [Chorus] So raise a glass to Lindsey, Who kept the nation free From women making choices And from husbands marrying he. He guarded every liberty That matched his own design, With freedom in his speeches And control between the lines. [Verse Five] When rioters breached the Capitol, He cried, “Enough! I’m through!” He said the lawful winners Were Kamala and Joe, it’s true. Then came the vote for judgment, And Lindsey fell in line, Acquitting his dear leader Right on scheduled time. He met the fallen officer’s kin And praised the brave and scarred, Then voted not to investigate Who stormed the nation’s yard. For grief is very moving When cameras are nearby, But truth can be expensive When your party asks you why. [Bridge] Every distant crisis Called for weapons, troops, and flame; Every war was urgent When somebody else was maimed. He spoke of strength and honor From a polished Senate chair, While families bore the burden Of the battles he put there. [Final Chorus] So lower every flag now, Let solemn tributes start, Let colleagues praise his humor And the goodness of his heart. But death does not erase a vote Or make the record shine, And history should remember Every twist in Lindsey’s spine. Yes, speak kindly of the grieving. Let his family mourn in peace. But spare us manufactured sainthood And compulsory release. A man may leave this earthly world, His choices stay behind, So write them in the ledger: Lindsey Graham served power just fine.
