[Intro — whispered, ominous] Ooh… shiny. Five dollars? That's practically free. [Verse 1] My friends are running straight into the fight, I'm checking every drawer in sight. They've got a mission, they've got a plan, I've found a rusty spoon and an empty can. “Come on, dude, we're leaving now!” “Just one more house, I swear somehow!” There's a broken lamp beneath the stairs, That's seven bucks if somebody cares! [Pre-Chorus] Left pocket, right pocket, fill up the sack, If it isn't nailed down, I'm hauling it back. You can call it junk, you can call it trash, But I'll be rich when I sell this stash! [Chorus] LOOT GOBLIN! GREEDY LITTLE RAT! I'll spend half an hour for a five-dollar hat! My friends are dying, but I'm checking the floor, 'Cause I swear there was something worth three dollars more! LOOT GOBLIN! LOOK AT MY HAUL! I picked up the garbage, I picked up it all! You can fight the monsters, you can take the hits, I'll be in the corner collecting loose bits! [Verse 2] My friends have armor, my friends have guns, I'm selling old bottles one by one. They say I'm dragging the whole team down, But who's got the cash when we reach the next town? I've got the money, I've got the gear, I've got enough to keep us going all year. You fought the boss, you took the pain, I bought your upgrades with my pocket change! [Pre-Chorus] A dollar here and a dollar there, I'm vacuuming treasure out of thin air. You call it hoarding, I call it a plan, I'm the financial backbone of this ragtag clan! [Chorus] LOOT GOBLIN! GREEDY LITTLE RAT! I'll spend half an hour for a five-dollar hat! My friends are dying, but I'm checking the floor, 'Cause I swear there was something worth three dollars more! LOOT GOBLIN! LOOK AT MY HAUL! I picked up the garbage, I picked up it all! You can fight the monsters, you can take the hits, I'll be in the corner collecting loose bits! [Bridge — dramatic, heartfelt] You may have the glory, You may have the fame, You may be the hero who completed the game. But who paid for your bullets? Who bought your new shoes? WHO SOLD SIXTY CANS TO GET YOU OUT OF THE BLUE?! [Breakdown — whispered goblin noises] Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Ooh, a penny. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Wait, is that a nickel?! [Final Chorus — maximum chaos] LOOT GOBLIN! KING OF THE TRASH! I turned five dollars into cold hard cash! My friends are complaining, but look at the score, I'm carrying the team with a pocket full of drawers! LOOT GOBLIN! BOW TO THE CLAN! I'm the richest little bunny in the whole wasteland! You bring the violence, I'll bring the wealth, I bought your best equipment by looting the shelves! [Outro — cheerful, distant shouting] “GUYS, WAIT! THERE'S A CRATE BACK HERE!” “…It's literally empty.” “YEAH, BUT I HAD TO CHECK!”
