[Intro — MALE VOICE ONLY — Matt] All right, Crooked Hooker. You’ve been talking mighty loud for somebody sitting on a trailer. Let’s settle this. [Verse 1 — MALE VOICE ONLY — Matt] I’m Matt B., the captain, I paid for the ride, Built the brand, bought the gear, keep the lady supplied. White Triton in the driveway, shining like new, Without my truck and money, what exactly would you do? I installed all the screens and the TargetLock view, MEGA Live Two shows every largemouth to the crew. SOLIX fifteen with two XPLORE nines, I keep your network talking and your wiring aligned. I haul you to Guntersville, Chickamauga too, Old Hickory Thursdays—look what I do for you. So ease that attitude when I turn your key. You might be Crooked Hooker, but you work for me. [Verse 2 — FEMALE VOICE ONLY — Crooked Hooker] Work for you? Oh, honey, that’s adorable. Your financial decisions are deplorable. . Three screens glowing, every fish in full view; I locate the largemouth—what happens next is you. You blame the wind, the line, the hook and the bait, Then call a two-pound keeper a tournament weight. Fishing pays for fishing? Still waiting on proof. Your tackle bill could’ve put a new deck on the roof. You say you keep me fueled, but we both know the truth: Y’all test every wire before checking the fuel. You own the boat? Bless your heart, that’s cute. Without me, you’re five fools wearing jerseys on a bank.. [Verse 3 — MALE VOICE ONLY — Matt] Marshall gave you the name, but I gave you fame, Put Crooked Hooker online—now they know the name. Bailey brings confidence, Mushy brings fun, Grand Daddy fills the livewell when the talking is done. Marshall makes the game plan, says where we should go. Bailey ties the lures and gets ready for the show. Mushy keeps us laughing when the fishing gets slow. Dad keeps it simple, catches more than the pros. We gave you a family, a purpose and pride, New electronics, new lights and a place to reside. So remember who rescued you, gave you a team, And turned an old white Triton into one hell of a dream. [Verse 4 — FEMALE VOICE ONLY — Crooked Hooker] Marshall makes plans? He just burns up my gas. “One more spot” means thirty miles past. Bailey lost a giant, or so he maintains; That fish adds two pounds every time he explains. Mushy brings fun, plus worm bags and cans; When something quits working, everybody check his hands. If a waypoint disappears or a rod goes for a swim, Don’t blame my network—start by questioning him. Grand Daddy gets respect; he understands the deal: Three rods, one worm and he keeps the story real. The rest need satellites, mapping and sonar To prove for eight hours there ain’t a fish where you are. [Break — FEMALE VOICE ONLY — Crooked Hooker] Matt bought another screen. Marshall found another spot. Bailey lost another twelve-pounder. Grand Daddy caught the only keeper. And Mushy? DAMMIT, MUSHY! [Verse 5 — MALE VOICE ONLY — Matt] Let’s discuss your record since you’re talking so proud: That Optimax cough gets everybody looking around. Sometimes you need welding, tape and repair; Sometimes turning your key becomes group prayer. You’ve got scars on your hull and some age in your frame. I could start a new-boat fund and replace you by name. So lower that voice and remember your rank: I hold the keys and the card at the bank. [Verse 6 — FEMALE VOICE ONLY — Crooked Hooker] Replace me with what? You spent it on lures. The Optimax starts when somebody ensures There’s gasoline aboard—not hope and desire. Y’all diagnose Ethernet while the tank runs dry. And speaking of scars, let’s tell that story right: Who introduced me to a red buoy at night? Thirty miles an hour with confidence leading; I needed Flex Seal because my ass was leaking. You hold the keys, but I’m holding the facts: Every missed fish and excuse at the ramp. Start your little boat fund—I’m not concerned. You’ll spend it on tackle before it gets earned. [Bridge — MALE VOICE ONLY — Matt] All jokes aside, girl, you know we’re a team, Thursday-night trouble and the long-game dream. You carry our stories, our memories and scars. You’re floating headquarters under the stars.. [Final Verse — FEMALE VOICE ONLY — Crooked Hooker] I’ll give you this, Matt—you keep showing up, With five grown fools and an overfilled truck. You chase more than largemouth when you leave the shore: Good friends, bad jokes and a reason to fish more. Honestly, I’d be bored without all of you, But don’t get emotional—I’m not finished with the crew. Put gas in my tank and clean up my deck. Then check the plug, kill switch—and Mushy’s neck. [Final Chorus — FEMALE VOICE ONLY — Crooked Hooker] I run the lake, I carry the team, White Triton queen of your fishing dream. Forty-two point three—respect my position. Crooked Hooker wins by unanimous decision. [Outro — MALE VOICE ONLY — Matt] You done? [Outro — FEMALE VOICE ONLY — Crooked Hooker] For now. Put me in the water. let's go fishin.
