[INTRO — Whispering voices, alien radio static] Who am I? I am the king! No, you're the mushroom! WHO TOUCHED MY MIXER?! Tralala… lalère… Brain connection lost. Reconnecting… reconnecting… ERROR 404: PERSONALITY NOT FOUND! [VERSE 1 — Bouncy robotic male voice] Monday morning, I wake up green, Sixteen DJs inside my spleen! One wants techno, one wants cheese, One declares himself the king of bees! The doctor said, “Just count to ten.” I counted twelve and started again! My left ear plays a Bulgarian train, My right ear's running for president again! [PRE-CHORUS — Voices arguing in rhythm] — Drop the bass! — Drop your pants! — Everybody do the mushroom dance! — Be serious! — Absolutely! — I just married my own left shoe at half past three! [CHORUS — Catchy alien dance hook] Tralala lalère, who's driving the brain? DJ Champignon is dancing in the rain! One says STOP, one says GO, One's a potato with a disco afro! Tralala lalère, we don't need a plan, Seven little mushrooms in a one-man band! Hey! Ho! What's that sound? My personality just turned around! [DROP 1 — Weird, infectious, chopped vocals] TRALA—TRALA—TRALALÈRE! BOOM-BOOM, MUSHROOM IN THE ATMOSPHERE! WAKA-WAKA, BRAIN GOES CLICK! ALIEN PICKLE WITH A TECHNO TICK! Voice 1: I AM THE BOSS! Voice 2: YOU'RE JUST SAUCE! Voice 3: I INVENTED THE UNIVERSE! Voice 4: THEN WHY'S THE BASS SO OBVIOUSLY WORSE?! [VERSE 2 — Mock-serious theatrical delivery] Personality number one wears a crown, Number two wants to burn the club down! Number three is calm, sophisticated, Number four has just become a radiator! Number five says, “Peace for all mankind!” Number six has left his brain behind! Number seven speaks only in French, And number eight is hiding under the bench! [BREAKDOWN — Dark, eerie, spoken voice] Silence. I have gathered all my selves for an important meeting. The subject? Who ate the last cosmic mushroom? … Nobody move. I have security footage. It's me. All eight of me. Long alien silence. Meeting adjourned. [BUILD-UP — Rising synths, voices accelerating] I'm the king! I'm the clown! I'm the upside-down! I'm the DJ! I'm the floor! I'm the mushroom next door! Left brain! Right brain! COSMIC CUCUMBER TRAIN! Three, two, one… WHO FORGOT THE DROP?! [DROP 2 — Galactic techno madness] TRALALA LALÈRE, LALÈRE, LALÀ! MY BRAIN IS A CLUB AND THE CLUB SAYS HA! WOBBLE-WOBBLE, ZIG-ZAG-ZOOM! EVERY PERSONALITY SHAKE THE ROOM! BIP-BIP! BONG-BONG! SOMETHING IN MY HEAD WENT WRONG! TRALA-LA! TRALA-LO! WHICH ONE OF US IS RUNNING THE SHOW?! [BRIDGE — Unexpectedly serious, deep alien voice] Perhaps I am the chaos. Perhaps I am the sound. Perhaps the little mushroom is the universe turned upside down. Or perhaps… I forgot my password. [FINAL CHORUS — Massive crowd vocals] Tralala lalère, who's driving the brain? DJ Champignon is dancing in the rain! One says STOP, one says GO, One's a potato with a disco afro! Tralala lalère, let the weirdness reign, Eight different DJs on a runaway train! Hey! Ho! Don't despair! There's a little bit of mushroom in everybody's hair! [OUTRO — Beat stops abruptly] Ladies and gentlemen… This has been a perfectly normal performance. I am DJ Champignon. No, I'm DJ Champignon! NO, I'M DJ CHAMPIGNON! … Wait. Who pressed SAVE? Tiny alien voice: Tralala lalère. Computer shuts down.
