Buena Tortuga - CALL THE AMBULANCE!

[Intro, mock emergency broadcast] Breaking news. A child went outside. Unscheduled. His GPS disappeared for forty-three seconds. Last known location: The bathroom. Dios mío. Dale. [Verse 1] We rode our bikes with the wind in our hair, No helmets, no trackers, no livestream there. Built a jump from a plank and a questionable crate, Scraped both knees on the landing, still came home at eight. Mama cleaned off the gravel, put a plaster on tight: “If you can still complain, niño, you’re all right.” Now an e-scooter crawls at twelve miles an hour, The rider’s dressed like a stuntman escaping a tower. [Pre-Chorus] Safety is smart, but explain this to me: When did a small bruise need a crisis committee? A little bit of danger, a little bit of dirt Used to make a story, not an incident report. [Chorus] Call the ambulance! The kid got a splinter! Close down the playground till the end of the winter! Seal off the sandbox, somebody touched the ground, Alert the family chat, pass the panic around. Call the ambulance! Protect him from harm! A leaf moved suspiciously close to his arm! Cover every corner with rubber and foam, Then ask why courage never leaves home. [Post-Chorus] Se cayó, se levantó, Con una curita se curó. Se cayó, se levantó, No app required, sobrevivió. [Verse 2, rhythmic rap] We walked miles to school with a key on a string, No phone, no geofence, no satellite ping. “Be home before dark” was the whole master plan, And somehow we all understood the command. Now Dad drives two blocks in a tank-sized SUV, Then blocks the school crossing “for safety,” you see. GPS in the backpack, the watch and the shoe, He walks to the bathroom, Dad tracks that trip too. We lost games with no trophies, then played them again, Drank straight from the hose and went out in the rain. Built forts out of blankets with no safety gear, Now a pillow fort needs a structural engineer. [Pre-Chorus] We learned little risks while the risks were still small, How to judge, how to choose, how to rise from a fall. Remove every bump from every little road, Then wonder why adulthood feels too heavy a load. [Chorus] Call the ambulance! The kid got a splinter! Close down the playground till the end of the winter! Seal off the sandbox, somebody touched the ground, Alert the family chat, pass the panic around. Call the ambulance! Protect him from harm! A leaf moved suspiciously close to his arm! Cover every corner with rubber and foam, Then ask why courage never leaves home. [Breakdown, mock emergency call] Control, we lost his signal. Where was he last seen? The downstairs bathroom. How long? Forty-three seconds. Dear God. Send everyone. He may be... unsupervised. [Bridge, sincere] Keep the helmets, keep the seatbelts, common sense is wise, But don’t remove each challenge before it can arise. A child needs little chances to try, to fail, to fall, Because grown-up life arrives with no padding on the wall. [Final Chorus] Call the ambulance! The kid got a splinter! Close down the playground till the end of the winter! Seal off the sandbox, somebody touched the ground, Alert the family chat, pass the panic around. Call off the ambulance! Cancel the show! One little plaster and off he can go. Keep common-sense safety, but loosen control, A little independence is good for the soul. [Outro, spoken] Status update: Splinter removed. Child survived. Parents remain under observation. Buena Tortuga. Slow... but free-range.