Welcome to the circus, ladies and gentlemen. December is here. Glitter wrapped around dysfunction. Family code flashing in green and red Christmas lights. Ladies and gentlemen… Life is fucking Fellini! I sewed the sentence to my scapegoat cape: Behave yourself, sister, and you can join the family again! I stand cry-labile in the shower, water running over old roles. While other kids kissed in schoolyards, I was in a permanent state of readiness. Hidden under my trauma clothes. Serving lemon mousse with a perfect, manipulative smile. My mother taught me well. Good girl! Eat your mousse! I called them all. My mother. My brother. And what answered? Silence… in the family language. The hammer is the only tool in their dysfunctional toolbox. So I say… FUCK THE TOOLBOX! Nothing is new! Just repetition in new packaging! You fight for language in public, and rehearse shame at home! You stand where the spotlight falls— While I move home into myself! Fuck-ti-bug-Philosophy, baby! The family photograph stays balanced without me, The glitter still shines, but I am fucking free! Recycled sunflowers shoot up wildly in the yard. But my brother’s sunflower turns its head away— Like it learned shame from the sun. Or from his university lectures? I miss something ugly. Isn't that strange? A home built out of silence still feels like home sometimes. But the sunrise is almost blue today. For an untrained eye… it would almost look purple. But I see the contrast now, Professor. General… is this a psychological case study? No, baby. This is a Fellini film. Are we the clowns? We are the managers of the chaos. GLITTER IS GLITTER! SHAME IS SHAME! CORTISOL ON THE DANCEFLOOR! No one came to save me. So I moved home into myself. And strangely… it was much quieter there. Without me, without my children, your show goes on. I miss what should have been. Not what was. And somewhere in the quiet, history is still breathing… But no longer through me. No longer... through... me. Move home! Scar Clan! Ark Clan! Hit the rhythm! Nothing is new! Just repetition in new packaging! You stand beneath your spotlight, rehearsing your shame! But I stopped asking for the role! Welcome to the Scar Clan, from inheritance to Tibet! The family ledger is burning, we opened a monastery instead! Stress becomes art! Pain becomes a beat! Life is fucking Fellini— so let's dance in the street! The family photograph is perfectly balanced now. Smile for the camera. I am out of the frame. I moved home into myself. And in here… The soundtrack is beautiful.
