DENY YOURSELF

Appalachian bluegrass, psychedelic mountain gospel, spiritual spoken word

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So...
What is the self
He's asking me
to deny?
[Low pulse enters]
Is it my name?
I wasn't born knowing it
Is it my story?
Most of it
has already disappeared
Is it this body?
Every cell of it changes
and one day
every piece of it
returns to the earth
Is it my thoughts?
I can hear them
So what is hearing them?
What exactly
have I been calling
me?

I built a person
out of memory and skin
gave it a name
and moved right in
Called this mine
called that me
drew a little line
around infinity
Then Life said
Deny yourself
Not Life
Not Being
Not what I AM
Deny the little separate thing
that says
Life belongs to me

I can of mine own self
do nothing
Nothing
The Father that dwelleth in me
he doeth the works
Wait
Read that again
Of mine own self
nothing

Then maybe the cross
isn't punishment
Maybe the cross
is where the person
I thought I was
can finally be surrendered
Take up your cross
Daily
Daily?
A body only dies once
So what
keeps needing to die?

My need to be right
My need to control
My fear of losing
My fear of dying
My name
My image
My story
My
My
My
[Sudden silence]
My life

Whosoever will save his life
shall lose it
and whosoever will lose his life
shall find it
[Music begins opening]
Lose...
what?
Because something
is still here
to find Life
Something is watching
the person disappear
Something was here
before the name
Something breathes
while the person sleeps
Something beats the heart
without asking permission
Something says
I AM

I am crucified with Christ
Nevertheless
I live
Yet not I

Yet
not
I

Let the little me fall away
Life was never mine to save
Take the name and take the story
Still I AM
Let the separate dream come down
There was One before I looked around
I in You and You in me
Made perfect in One

Maybe this is what dies
on the cross
Not Life
The claim upon it
Not Being
The idea that Being
belongs to this person
Not I AM
Everything I put
after it
I am Brian
I am this body
I am my past
I am afraid
I am alone
I am separate
One by one
take them to the cross
until nothing remains
after
I AM

And what happens
when there is nothing
after I AM?

I in them
Thou in me
That they may be made perfect
in One

Deny yourself
Take up your cross
Lose the life
you thought was yours
And find
Life
Not somewhere else
Not someday
Not after the vessel dies
Here
Underneath the name
Underneath the story
Underneath the thought
that you were ever
a separate thing

Let the little me fall away
Life was never mine to save
Take the name and take the story
Still I AM
No distance left
No two to become
I in You
You in me
Perfect
in
One

Deny yourself
Maybe He wasn't asking you
to become less
Maybe He was asking you
to discover
what remains
when the person
you learned to call
me
is gone

Yet not I

I AM

3029/7500

Deny yourself take up your cross and follow me I heard those words my whole life And I thought they meant Give something up Want less Enjoy less Suffer a little more Make yourself smaller so God would be pleased But that isn't what He said He didn't say Deny yourself something He said Deny yourself So... What is the self He's asking me to deny? [Low pulse enters] Is it my name? I wasn't born knowing it Is it my story? Most of it has already disappeared Is it this body? Every cell of it changes and one day every piece of it returns to the earth Is it my thoughts? I can hear them So what is hearing them? What exactly have I been calling me? I built a person out of memory and skin gave it a name and moved right in Called this mine called that me drew a little line around infinity Then Life said Deny yourself Not Life Not Being Not what I AM Deny the little separate thing that says Life belongs to me I can of mine own self do nothing Nothing The Father that dwelleth in me he doeth the works Wait Read that again Of mine own self nothing Then maybe the cross isn't punishment Maybe the cross is where the person I thought I was can finally be surrendered Take up your cross Daily Daily? A body only dies once So what keeps needing to die? My need to be right My need to control My fear of losing My fear of dying My name My image My story My My My [Sudden silence] My life Whosoever will save his life shall lose it and whosoever will lose his life shall find it [Music begins opening] Lose... what? Because something is still here to find Life Something is watching the person disappear Something was here before the name Something breathes while the person sleeps Something beats the heart without asking permission Something says I AM I am crucified with Christ Nevertheless I live Yet not I Yet not I Let the little me fall away Life was never mine to save Take the name and take the story Still I AM Let the separate dream come down There was One before I looked around I in You and You in me Made perfect in One Maybe this is what dies on the cross Not Life The claim upon it Not Being The idea that Being belongs to this person Not I AM Everything I put after it I am Brian I am this body I am my past I am afraid I am alone I am separate One by one take them to the cross until nothing remains after I AM And what happens when there is nothing after I AM? I in them Thou in me That they may be made perfect in One Deny yourself Take up your cross Lose the life you thought was yours And find Life Not somewhere else Not someday Not after the vessel dies Here Underneath the name Underneath the story Underneath the thought that you were ever a separate thing Let the little me fall away Life was never mine to save Take the name and take the story Still I AM No distance left No two to become I in You You in me Perfect in One Deny yourself Maybe He wasn't asking you to become less Maybe He was asking you to discover what remains when the person you learned to call me is gone Yet not I I AM

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