Oh Sir Flappington Thwack had a problem,

Oh Sir Flappington Thwack had a problem, you see, His Christmas tree floated away in the sea. He shouted, “COME BACK!” but the tree didn’t care, It was last seen rowing a boat with a pear Fa-la-la, fa-la-la, Christmas has gone mad, There’s a turkey wearing trousers and it’s looking rather sad. Fa-la-la, fa-la-la, nothing’s going right, But it’s Christmas, so we’ll panic in a jolly festive fright!* The stockings were hung by the chimney with glue, Because last year they ran off and joined a zoo. The nutcrackers mutinied, formed a parade, And demanded more walnuts and higher pay grade Fa-la-la, fa-la-la, Christmas is absurd, The snowman’s eating pudding and insulting every bird. Fa-la-la, fa-la-la, bells are out of tune, And the carolers are yelling like deranged baboons!* Then Sir Thwack declared, “I SHALL FIX THIS NOW!” But he slipped on a pudding and bowed to a cow. The cow mooed, “Merry Christmas!” in a posh British tone, And everyone clapped though it made no sense at all. So the gifts all exploded in confetti and jam, And the ham started singing, “I’m your Christmas ham!” The tinsel attacked him, the holly went wild, And the angel on top called him “a very naughty child.” Fa-la-la, fa-la-la, everything’s a disaster, But somehow it’s more festive when it’s happening much faster. Fa-la-la, fa-la-la, cheer and run away— It’s a Monty Python Christmas in a completely normal way!*