[Verse 1] We was a good ol’ posse, just tryin’ to do right, But somehow we ended up in Moria one night. There’s Frodo with a slingshot, Sam’s got a hoe, Aragorn’s packin’ dynamite from a rodeo show. Gimli’s swingin’ a wrench, yellin’, “Let’s git ‘em, boys!” Legolas brought a crossbow he won at Bass Pro Toys. Gandalf’s got a chainsaw, revvin’ up the tune, And Pippin’s throwin’ beer cans, raisin’ hell in the gloom. [Chorus] We’re just a gang of rednecks, havin’ a time, Causin’ all kinds of trouble in the deep dark mines. Orcs and trolls? Heck, they don’t scare us none, We’re fixin’ to show them how the West was won. [Verse 2] Ol’ Gimli found a barrel labeled “Granny’s Moonshine,” He said, “This ain’t no tomb—this here’s a gold mine!” Pippin knocked it over, and what do ya know, That shine caught fire and lit up the whole show. A troll busted in, lookin’ mean as sin, But Sam hit him square with his cast iron skillet. Aragorn hollered, “Duck!” and threw his dynamite, Now there’s troll bits flyin’ in the dead of night. [Chorus] We’re just a gang of rednecks, havin’ a time, Causin’ all kinds of trouble in the deep dark mines. Orcs and trolls? Heck, they don’t scare us none, We’re fixin’ to show them how the West was won. [Bridge] Then the Balrog showed up, big and fiery mad, Gandalf revved his chainsaw, “Y’all done made me sad!” He stood on the bridge, yellin’, “Git on outta here!” With a pull of the cord, he buzzed that demon near. The Balrog snapped its whip, but Gandalf didn’t care, He said, “Y’all take care now, I’ll meet ya up there!” We hauled outta Moria like a pack o’ wild hogs, With Pippin yellin’, “That Gandalf’s got bigger cojones than a bullfrog!” [Verse 3] Now we’re out in the sunlight, takin’ a breath, Still laughin’ and cheerin’ at our narrow miss with death. Frodo’s still got his slingshot, Sam’s hoe is bent, And Gimli’s wrench is sticky from the moonshine scent. Legolas found a squirrel, said, “Dinner’s on me!” Aragorn’s dynamite made the whole gang flee. But through all the chaos, we’re still goin’ strong, Redneckin’ Middle-Earth, singin’ this here song. [Final Chorus] We’re just a gang of rednecks, havin’ a time, Causin’ all kinds of trouble in the deep dark mines. Orcs and trolls? Heck, they don’t scare us none, We’re fixin’ to show them how the West was won. [Outro] So if you’re ever near Moria, just listen close, You’ll hear redneck echoes, maybe smell burnt toast. We ain’t your average heroes, but we get it done, ‘Cause when you’re a redneck, every fight’s just fun!
