Lyrics [Intro] “Hi, welcome to Mood Swobs, where your feelings are on a stick.” [Verse 1] I got a jar full of Q-tips with tiny little eyes One’s bright yellow, one’s brown, one cries Line ‘em on the table like a corporate slide “These are our emotions, please like, share, and subscribe” Happy gets a rainbow, sad gets blue Angry’s kinda muddy, looks a little like you Embarrassed got a blush and a crooked little hue If you relate to a swob… yeah, I’m hiring too [Pre-Chorus] You think I’m trolling but you can’t look away You’re already planning what you’d have yours say I made a joke, now it’s turning to a pitch I’m about to get rich off some bathroom sticks [Chorus] THIS IS MOOD SWOBS L-L-L-L-LC Put your feelings on a cotton bud, baby invest in me From the worst idea that you’ve ever seen To the only brand that understands your routine MOOD SWOBS L-L-L-L-LC If my hanger collection fooled you, this is phase three I’m the king of turning nothing into dopamine I sell you your own brain on a tiny white queen [Verse 2] Board meeting in the bathroom, everybody line up Happy Swob’s CEO, coffee in a tiny cup Sad Swob in the corner taking notes in his head Angry Swob’s HR ’cause he’s already seeing red We got merch, we got charts, we got mood reports Swobs in the courtroom, swobs in the airport One’s on Shark Tank, one’s in divorce court They’re just cotton sticks living out your worst thoughts [Pre-Chorus] You say “there’s no way anybody buys this” But you clicked, you watched, now you’re kinda obsessed If you feel seen by a swob, don’t stress That just means your brain passed the weirdness test [Chorus] THIS IS MOOD SWOBS L-L-L-L-LC Put your feelings on a cotton bud, baby invest in me From the worst idea that you’ve ever seen To the only brand that understands your routine MOOD SWOBS L-L-L-L-LC If my hanger collection fooled you, this is phase three I’m the king of turning nothing into dopamine I sell you your own brain on a tiny white queen [Bridge] (spoken over beat, ad-libs) “Hi, I’m Dillon, founder of Mood Swobs. We’ve seen 300% emotional growth, our Q-tips are clinically proven to make your therapist deeply concerned— and angels… I mean investors… this is your once-in-a-lifetime chance to diversify into… cotton.” [Breakdown – chanty] Swob gang, swob gang, feelings on a string If you drop one, that’s a limited edition thing We don’t bottle emotions, we stick ‘em on a stem If you’re weird like me, you’ll relate to all of them [Final Chorus] THIS IS MOOD SWOBS L-L-L-L-LC Put your feelings on a cotton bud, baby invest in me From the worst idea that you’ve ever seen To the only brand that understands your routine MOOD SWOBS L-L-L-L-LC If you made it to the end, you’re already family I’m the prince of pointless product alchemy Turn my brain into a biz, now sing it with me— MOOD! SWOBS! L-L-L-L-LC!
