(Intro - Spoken Word over a cool, funky groove with a prominent bass line, wah-wah guitar, and cinematic strings) [The scene is Papa Midnight's club. The lights are low. The vibe is pure 70's cool.] [Choir - soulful female vocals] Who's the cat that saw the cosmos trip and fall? [Papa Midnight - a deep, cool, spoken baritone] Midnight. [Choir] Who's got the stories that explain it all? [Papa Midnight] Midnight. [Choir] Who knows why God just doesn't answer when you call? [Papa Midnight] Can you dig it? Pull up a chair, let Papa testify... (Verse 1 - The music shifts to a quirky 7/8 time signature. A baroque harpsichord and funky synth stabs play a complex melody over a tight, syncopated drum and bass groove.) [Papa Midnight - his vocals are a rhythmic, Zappa-esque narration] Now, I once knew a fella, let's call him "Cosmic Kev" A real straight-shooter from a cul-de-sac of dread He read a book on quantum physics, bought a blender and a spoon Decided he would build himself a brand new, private moon He mixed some yogurt, taco sauce, and a single, lonely tear The secret recipe for conquering all fear He said, "I'll blend the universe into a sentient goulash! And become the supreme being in a single, mighty splash!" (Chorus - The song explodes into a catchy, 4/4 time signature funk-pop anthem with a full horn section and harmonized vocals.) [Papa Midnight and the Choir] Oh, the cosmic blender's whirring, what a crazy sound! (What a crazy sound!) He's gonna mix up heaven from the lost and found! He's got a vision, baby, he's got a master plan! The dumbest, smartest, saddest little man! (Verse 2 - The 7/8 Zappa groove returns, more frantic and complex.) [Papa Midnight] He plugged it in with an extension cord he stole from his garage And chanted ancient prophecies he learned from a mirage The blender started glowing with a sickly, greenish light He screamed, "I am the future! I am the endless night!" But he forgot to put the lid on, a rookie mistake, you see And a single drop of goulash flew and landed in his tea It caused a chain reaction, a paradox of taste And his bid for godhood was laid to total waste (Instrumental Bridge: The Virtuoso Section) (Part A: The Blackmore Lament) [The Zappa groove fades. A soulful, weeping Hammond organ enters, holding a chord. A lone electric guitar begins to play a slow, deeply emotional, and bluesy solo. Every note is full of melodic phrasing and expressive, lyrical bends.] (Part B: The Malmsteen Ascension) [The ballad is shattered by a blast of neoclassical fury. A galloping bass and thunderous drums kick in, unleashes a torrent of impossibly fast alternate picking, harmonic minor scales, and sweeping arpeggios. A grand piano, playing in the style of Rachmaninoff and Tchaikovsky, duels with the guitar, adding to the epic, chaotic grandeur.] (Bridge - The music breaks down into a quiet, atmospheric R&B groove with retro synths.) [A lone, beautiful falsetto voice is heard, wailing in pathetic sorrow. It's Cosmic Kevin.] [Cosmic Kevin - falsetto wail] My goulash... oh, my beautiful goulash... is on the ceiling... [Papa Midnight - a smooth, soulful vocal, with occasional vocal hiccups] He's just a fallen angel with a kitchen full of pain A sticky, cosmic sorrow in a mayonnaise-colored rain He reached for the stars, babe But he never left the ground The saddest little tragedy in this whole damn town (Final Chorus - The main funky pop anthem returns, bigger and more cynical than before.) [Papa Midnight and the Choir] Oh, the cosmic blender's whirring, what a crazy sound! (He's cleaning up the kitchen now!) He's gonna mix up heaven from the lost and found! He's got a vision, baby, he's got a master plan! The dumbest, smartest, saddest little man! (Outro: The Slap Bass Solo) [All instruments cut out except for the drums. A virtuoso, improvisational slap bass solo takes over, funky, complex, and full of swagger. After a few bars, Papa Midnight's voice returns for a final, whispered comment.] [Papa Midnight] And the moral of the story? ...Always use the lid. [The slap bass plays a final, slick run, and the song ends abruptly.] [End]
