WAAMBULANCE | FT Enigma_Mirage

[Intro – Sirens Blasting, Deep Bass Thumping] “We got a Stage 5 Crybaby on 4th and Main... Subject reportedly lost a Wi-Fi signal for 3... whole... minutes! Approach with caution—high risk of sassy clapping and extreme pouting.” OH WAIT... I think he just threw his shoe! [verse 1] OH NO! (OH NO!) SOMEBODY CALL THE WAAAMBULANCE! ( WEE-WOO WEE-WOO!) Dude just got a latte but they spelled his name as Lance!... Took a selfie, but his angles weren’t tight— Now he’s online, startin’ a fight! UH-OH! (UH-OH!) DROP EVERYTHING, IT’S A NATIONAL CRISIS! She swiped left, now he’s losin’ his niceness! Left Unread in the group chat— GASP! HOW COULD THEY DO HIM LIKE THAT?! GONNA pout NO ONE LIKES MY JOKES I'm gonna sit here and down my diet coke! Did your kid borrow the car and leave the tank empty? Who the heck taught him that was ok? Was he raised by MONKEYS?! BETTER HAVE YOUR SAY! OH NO! (OH NO!) SOMEBODY CALL THE WAAAMBULANCE! ( WEE-WOO WEE-WOO!) [pre-chorus] [Spoken, dead serious] "Listen, we’ve seen it all. Man loses his socks in the laundry? WAAAMBULANCE. Guy drops his phone on his face while scrolling at 2 AM? Find a spider in bed while you are getting to niceness! ( WEE-WOO WEE-WOO!) Kid gets a ‘K.’ reply instead of a full sentence? WAAAMBULANCE. Somebody call his mom—this man’s NOT GONNA MAKE IT." [Chorus – Punk Gang Vocals, CHAOS] BEEP BEEP!... MOVE ASIDE!... DRAMA ALERT... IT'S A RIDE! BOO-HOO!... HERE IT COMES!... WAAAMBULANCE—SOMEONE CALL YOUR MOM! YOU MAY NEED A RIDE HOME!... Somewhere around here I have a hankey for you!! [verse 2] Oh no, man down, Code Red! Boyfriend had leg days back to back, blames the trainer, cause hes extra sore to sore to take out the trash... don't ask why did you go along? the answer filled with explicatives and whine and not the kind you can dine with.... ( WEE-WOO WEE-WOO!) Girlfriend stole all the covers! And left under wear on the shower curtain to drain! OH NO!... ON NO!... OH NO!.... Those sleep overs... just so insane! What were you expecting? when you share space? ( WEE-WOO WEE-WOO!) Influencer pouts, got ONE dislike! Now she’s cryin’—she MIGHT NOT SURVIVE THE NIGHT! A Tik Tok dance gone terribly wrong! WAAAMBULANCE CREW—LET’S MOVE ALONG! Your fake ass support mutt peed at your feet, while whining an dining out your booth at the elite high heels kinda fouled? maybe leave doggy home is allowed? WAAAMBULANCE Only they wanna hear it! WAAAMBULANCE Do your Facebook friends really care? Don't stink it up here! [Bridge – Over-the-Top Dramatic Spoken Word] [Spoken, deeply emotional, piano starts playing] Folks… we gather here today to remember those who have suffered. The victims of ‘bad vibes.’ The ones who waited too long for a text back. The brave souls whose Uber Eats orders arrived missing their extra sauce. Let us pause and reflect… before we absolutely LOSE OUR MINDS." (PAUSE. THEN—BOOM! DROP INTO CHAOS.) BEEP BEEP!... MOVE ASIDE!... DRAMA ALERT!!... IT’S A RIDE!... BOO-HOO, HERE IT COMES!... WAAAMBULANCE—SOMEONE CALL YOUR MOM! YOU MAY NEED A RIDE HOME [maniacal laughter ensues] [outro] [spoken, like a sports announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, we have an ALL-TIME RECORD FOR OVERREACTION. Our patient has officially declared they will ‘NEVER RECOVER’ after their boss said ‘Let's circle back later.’ Thoughts and prayers, everybody. Thoughts and prayers.” JUST JAB YER MIDDLE FINGER IN THE AIR!! RAGE QUIT!.. RAGE QUIT!... RAGE QUIT! WAAABULANCE!! OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!!! [horn stab]. [spoken, like a sports announcer] A single juice box is handed to the lead singer. They take a sip. Crowd goes WILD. WEE-WOO WEE-WOO WEE-WOO! The crowd is now 80% ridiculous dance moves, 20% people dramatically throwing themselves onto the floor in FAKE AGONY. Security is wheezing from laughter.