**Verse 1** There’s a bloke down the local, thinks he’s terribly smart, But he fell off his barstool before he could start. He’s a plonker, a pillock, a right silly git, And he’s lost his own pint while he’s holding it. **Chorus** HEY! You absolute muppet! You magnificent prat! You’ve got foam on your jumper And crisps in your hat! You tosser, you numpty, You glorious twit, Raise up your glasses — To the king of all idiots! **Verse 2** He challenged the dartboard and somehow came last, Then blamed all the arrows for flying too fast. He called himself charming, he called himself slick, Then walked through the wrong door and fell in a skip. **Chorus** HEY! You absolute muppet! You magnificent prat! You’ve got foam on your jumper And crisps in your hat! You bellend, you wazzock, You glorious twit, Raise up your glasses — To the king of all idiots! **Pub Chant** OI! OI! OI! Who nicked my pint? YOU DID! Who lost the darts? YOU DID! Who shouted “LAST ORDERS!” At quarter past six? THAT BLOODY NUMPTY WHO CAN’T COUNT TO SIX! **Verse 3** Now everyone knows him from London to Leeds, For talking complete and spectacular weeds. He’s a cockwomble legend, a champion berk, He once called in sick ’cause his kettle wouldn’t work. **Big Final Chorus** HEY! You absolute muppet! You magnificent prat! You’ve got half of your dinner Still stuck to your hat! You knobhead, you plonker, You lovable git, Raise up your glasses — And admit you’re full of it! **Outro — Everyone Together** Here’s to the muppets! Here’s to the prats! Here’s to the idiots Falling off mats! Here’s to the numpties, The berks and the gits — God bless Great Britain And all of its twits! **OI! OI! OI!**
