[INTRO — spoken, obnoxiously cheerful] Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Those recently cleared for public interaction! Welcome back! [VERSE 1] Welcome back, welcome back Hope you enjoyed your stay We kept your little seat warm While the whole thing went astray Thought my brain went sunny-side up Figured I’d come back a saint Took my pills and drank my water Found the wire in the tank There’s a clown beside the entrance There’s a cop inside the ride There’s a gift shop selling oxygen And a body on the side But the music keeps on playing So I guess we’re doing fine Keep your hands inside the vehicle Please disregard the warning signs [PRE-CHORUS] Up is down Down is great Smile real big Don’t be late If you’re scared— That means it works! [CHORUS] WELCOME BACK! To the happiest place on earth Everything is upside down But look how much it’s worth! WELCOME BACK! Grab a ticket, grab a snack I took a break to fix my head And somehow came back to THAT! Wave hello! Mind the gap! Take your meds! Buy the app! Everybody clap along— Welcome back! [VERSE 2] We got fires in the food court We got floodlights in the sky Someone bought the roller coaster Now you have to subscribe to ride Every mascot has a sponsor Every tragedy has merch There’s a preacher selling heaven From the parking lot of church There’s a screen above the midway Telling everyone what to fear I asked someone what was happening They said, “Which feed do you prefer?” Cool! Love that! Very normal! Carry on! [PRE-CHORUS] Left is right Wrong is fine Truth comes in Custom designs If it hurts— Just add confetti! [CHORUS] WELCOME BACK! To the happiest place on earth Where everybody’s screaming And they charge you by the hurt WELCOME BACK! Don’t you love the atmosphere? I finally got my head on straight And now nothing straight is here Wave hello! Mind the gap! Watch your step! That’s a trap! Everybody sing along— Welcome back! [BRIDGE — huge Broadway smile] I learned grounding! I learned breathing! I learned feelings aren’t facts! I learned sleeping! I learned eating! I learned how to come back! Now the sky is full of smoke And the prices are a joke And the guy beside me swears The moon is fake— [ENSEMBLE] That’s okay! [LEAD] I got stable! I got clearer! I can finally trust my eyes! [HARD HALF-BEAT SILENCE] Which, honestly, Has been a pretty fucking terrible surprise. [KEY CHANGE] [FINAL CHORUS] WELCOME BACK! To the happiest place on earth! Where the ride is held together By one unpaid intern’s work! WELCOME BACK! We’re delighted you survived! You spent all that time getting better— Look what happened while you were inside! Up is down! Day is night! Wrong is left! Left is right! Thought my brain went sunny-side up Turns out maybe I was— [ENSEMBLE GASPS] Never mind! WELCOME BACK! Take your number! Join the line! Everything is totally normal! Everything is absolutely fine! [OUTRO — cheerfully unsettling music box] Welcome back Welcome back Welcome back Please exit through the gift shop. And remember— The park assumes no responsibility For loss of faith in humanity.
