they told me if i stayed quiet long enough i would become something easier to love like silence was proof of healing like desire was something you outgrow so i folded myself smaller tucked every want between my ribs called it devotion …say it out loud hands on my skin like static hum quiet turns loud when you come undone i play it cool but my pulse betrays every little thing that i never say soft like sin in a holy place breath gets caught when i feel your weight call it wrong but it feels aligned body speaks in a louder mind tension bending every vow i made every promise starting to decay i said control but i meant delay i was buying time i could not save holy words but they taste like doubt say i'm clean while i bleed it out contradiction in every breath call it life or a softer death feel it rise feel it burn feel it crawling through your chest tonight say it once say it twice say it out loud make it real this time i said i'm fine but i catalogued every glance every word every silence you gave me kept it tucked in my chest like a secret confession i swore i would bury but save it i replay it nightly like maybe if i understand it i'll finally escape it but i don't wanna fix it i want it to hurt cause the pain is the proof that i made it i call it healing but honestly half of it feels like i'm learning to fake it like if i say it enough it'll soften the edge of the truth i'm avoiding to face it i wanted control but control is a cage and i built it then begged you to break it yeah… i needed the chaos cause silence was slowly erasing my name say it / break it / let it show lose it / shake it / let it go heartbeat outta rhythm now no more hiding in the low pull me under / pull me through every lie i told as truth if i burn then let me glow something real inside the wound feel it rise feel it burn feel it crawling through your chest tonight say it once say it twice SAY IT OUT LOUD MAKE IT REAL THIS TIME quiet hits different after noise truth feels louder without a choice i said it once now it won’t fade something permanent got made not forgiveness not regret just a truth i won’t forget body kept what mind denied now it’s living out inside feel it rise feel it burn feel it taking everything tonight say it once say it twice SAY IT OUT LOUD NOW IT OWNS YOUR LIFE say it… slowly… let it stay… i am louder than before… even when i fade…
