A Mother's Grief

[Intro - sparse fiddle, four bars, like a lullaby that forgot how to be one] [Verse 1 - The Maiden - light, almost childlike, she's remembering who she was] I made you from the space between the stars From the ash of what the old gods left behind I gave you hands that could hold impossible things And eyes that could see what the blind divine could not I was singing when I made you all twelve of you I was singing for all twelve of you [Verse 2 - The Mother - the fiddle drops, just voice and one low drum] They came with their arithmetic their careful, bloodless math All twelve must be unmade, they said for you don't have permission to be I looked at your twelve faces and I chose I chose the only thing a mother can choose when every option is a loss I used my own fire because if you had to go you were going gently you were going known you were going loved [Bridge - The Unmade - almost silence, just breath and the whisper of a low whistle] Eleven lights I held each one until it dimmed I said a prayer before you had names I always will remember this pain I carry [Verse 3 - The Crone - tempo steadies, her voice is older now, quieter, unapologetic] The twelfth one I gave away to a fallen angel with kind enough hands I watched him carry you into the world and I let you go into the noise and the rain and the ordinary dark of living and pain You don't know I exist that's how it was supposed to be you're safer not knowing you always were But I am here the way roots are here the way the dark between stars is here patient and permanent and not asking for anything in return [Outro - just her voice, no instrument, the Crone speaking plainly] I don't need you to understand I built you to judge, not to forgive I know the difference but if someday in some alley in some rain-soaked city you feel something you can't name that's probably me hoping you turned out alright you did I checked [fiddle returns, one quiet bar, then nothing]