[Verse 1 — spoken, sincere, press-conference cadence] I stand before you with a video and a plan Thirty and older, we're gonna test every man Testosterone levels, it's biological, it's science We're building a force that meets every demand [Verse 1 continued] Muscle mass restored, stamina like never before Resilience, longevity, ready to go to war The individual warfighter, our greatest advantage of all I've seen the projections — gentlemen, you're gonna stand tall [Verse 2 — spoken, warming up, starting to enjoy it] Picture it — the formation, shoulders back, jaws set Chests like barrels, not an ounce of regret Standing at attention, every last one of 'em, proud Biologically optimal, chins high, no beards allowed [Verse 2 continued — the turn] And I mean — really standing. At full attention. Head to toe Every muscle engaged, every system ready to go The whole formation just... rising to the occasion, you know Fully, completely, unmistakably — [Pause] [Chorus — sung, suddenly defensive, tempo lurches] Now that's not — I don't mean it like that I'm talking military readiness, that's a fact I have a wife, I hunt, I lift, I fish This is strategy, not some — it's not what you think it is Sacred duty! Sacred duty! I'm just talking about the troops' bodies Sacred duty! In a totally normal way That a straight guy would definitely say [Verse 3 — spoken, trying to recover, overcorrecting] Look — this is about lethality, not, uh, aesthetics I'm not out here admiring anyone's specifics I watch football. I grill meat. I own several guns This is Pentagon policy, not — this isn't for fun [Verse 3 continued] The doctors say the science is a little unclear But I know what I saw in those projections, and frankly, it's clear A battalion of men at their biological best Standing there, ready, at full — readiness. Yes. [Bridge — spoken word, flustered, tempo nearly stops] I said "sacred duty" four times in that briefing I don't know why I said it four times It just felt important to repeat The word "duty" Specifically Not the other word I wasn't thinking about the other word [Final Chorus — full band, horns, backing vocals, sung with forced macho bravado] Sacred duty! That's all this is! Biological readiness, that's the whole quiz! I have a wife! I said that already! This is Department policy, rock solid and steady! Sacred duty conquers all No further questions — Department, that's a wrap That's the whole briefing Dismissed [Outro — spoken, quiet, deflating] ...anyway. Next slide. Fitness standards. Let's talk about something else.
