[Verse 1] [Him] I was late before I left the house, Now I'm later still, and gaining doubt. His bumper sticker reads "Coexist"— I'm beginning to think he means without. He's got a hat. He's got a plan. He's got a left blinker that's been on since July. And every mailbox on this road Is a headstone marking where my patience came to die. [Pre-Chorus] [Him] I've memorized his license plate, His dent, his antenna, his parking permit— I know this man better than I know my wife And I haven't even met him yet. [Chorus] [Him] He's doing thirty-five in a world that does forty, Serene, like the road belongs to him. (It does not belong to him) Unhurried, with the confidence of clergy, While I'm composing my obituary on a whim. I'm a reasonable man, I'm a pillar— (He's a pillar) But his brake lights have swallowed me whole. [Verse 2] [Him] I try to pass—he drifts toward center. I fall back—he slows to thirty-two. It's a dance, and he's the only one who hears the music, And the song he hears is playing just for two. He checks his mirror. Sees me there. And I swear to God I see him smile— Not a cruel smile, something worse: A man at peace, with nothing on his dial. [Pre-Chorus] [Him] My therapist says I have "excellent boundaries." My cardiologist would like a second word. I've been breathing through the exercises— (In through the nose) But the nose is no longer on board. [Chorus] [Him] He's doing thirty-five in a zone marked for forty, Steady, like it's a benediction. (Bless his heart) Resolute, while the whole lane behind him Is a funeral procession of jurisdiction. I'm a civilized, empathetic creature— (He's a creature) But this man has colonized my soul. [Bridge] [Him, half-sung, recitative, controlled mania] We've been together now for seven miles. That's longer than some marriages I know. He's turned where I turn. He stops where I stop. I'm starting to suspect this isn't chance— It's choreography. It's fate. Perhaps he was assigned to me By whatever cosmic clerk decides That today, this Tuesday, I should learn humility At this particular speed On a road designed for more. (He signals left. I signal left.) (He doesn't turn. I don't turn.) (We belong to each other now.) [Final Chorus] [Him] He's doing thirty-five, forever thirty-five, Like it's a calling, a denomination. I have aged behind this wheel. My coffee's cold. My entire morning is a cancellation. But if I ever pass this man— (If the universe allows) I'll set my cruise to thirty-five And let him taste his own religion. [Outro] [Him, quiet, spent] Thirty-five.
