[Intro] [Muted, slow, ambient elevator music playing on low quality speaker] [Spoken word - deadpan, twitching, quiet] I brought my driver's license. I brought my birth certificate. I brought a utility bill from 2014. I am prepared. [Elevator music abruptly cuts off] [Deafening guitar pinch harmonic and metal slam] [Screamed] NOW WHY IS THE LINE OUT THE DOOR?! [Verse 1] [Fast, bouncy thrash metal riff] Step through the glass, step on the floor! There’s eighty-four people and one open door! I pull out my ticket, it says B-93! They’re currently serving ticket A-23! The fluorescent lights are buzzing in my brain! The lady at the counter is causing me pain! She’s taking a sip from her cat coffee mug! And typing one character per minute, you slug! [Pre-Chorus] [Heavy chugging build-up rhythm] [Whispered - intense] Did I fill out form 402-B? [Shouted] DID I USE BLUE INK OR BLACK INK?! [Tempo drops hard] [Chorus] [Huge, catchy crossover metal anthem with shouted gang vocals] DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES! WHERE TIME GOES TO DIE AND REASON IS TRIPPED! GO TO WINDOW FOUR! NO, WINDOW THREE! YOU FORGOT TO SIGN SECTION D! DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES! TAKE A NUMBER! SIT IN THE CHAIR! I CAME IN HERE WITH A FULL HEAD OF HAIR! [Verse 2] [Funk-metal bass groove with heavy double-bass kicks] Guy on my left is eating a hot dog! Guy on my right is asleep like a log! The eye doctor machine is covered in grease! I just want my sticker so I can leave in peace! "Sir, your proof of address isn't valid today." [Spoken - strained] "It's a printed bank statement." [Shouted] "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT A BANK STATEMENT?!" [Guitar Solo] [Absurdly fast, chaotic shred guitar solo over frantic thrash drumming] [Bridge] [Sudden style shift - smooth jazz electric piano with soft brushes] [Spoken word - ultra-calm, whispering like a narrator] Please remain seated. Your number will be called in approximately... four hours. Remember to bring your original marriage certificate, a DNA sample, and a blood oath. [Long pause] [Aggressive drum roll] I HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE TUESDAY! [Breakdown] [Crushing, slow metalcore breakdown - massive chugs] [Guttural Growl] FORM! [Double bass kick] STAMP! [Heavy guitar slam] EXPIRED! DENIED! [Guttural Screaming] NEXT IN LINE! [Outro] [Fast, chaotic punk-metal sprint] B-93! B-93! That's my number Spoken - strained] " It's a printed bank statement." [ Shouted] " WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT A BANK STATEMENT?!" [ Guitar Solo] [ Absurdly fast, chaotic shred guitar solo over frantic thrash drumming] [ Bridge] [ Sudden style shift - smooth jazz electric piano with soft brushes] [Spoken word - ultra-calm, whispering like a narrator] Please remain seated. Your number will be called in approximately... four hours. Remember to bring your original marriage certificate, a DNA sample, and a blood oath. [ Long pause] [Aggressive drum roll] I HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE TUESDAY! [ Breakdown] [ Crushing, slow metalcore breakdown - massive chugs] [Guttural Growl] FORM! [Double bass kick] STAMP! [Heavy guitar slam] EXPIRED! DENIED! [Guttural Screaming] NEXT IN LINE! [ Outro] [Fast, chaotic punk-metal sprint] B-93! B-93! That's my number
