Deadbeat

I used to Tiptoe on eggshells But I knew it wouldn't age well So used to being face down That I liked the way the ground felt But I remember taking that belt And the shape of every spine welt Still got the scars as proof Of why I can't trust you So through nail and tooth I can't let you move Into a place where you Have a hold onto My heart Connecting dots with every line torn I had to throw away my mind more I had to drop the ones that I would die for And now they think that I'm an eyesore I just wanted to be normal And I wanted to feel love Now they think that i'm horrible And that I don't give a fuck But im watching from a distance And im seeing how they grow Now most times I wish this Isn't how it had to go But my ambitions Were more than you could know And more than you could take The longer I grow old The more I grow to hate And I guess that you should know You won't ever have a place Cause you'll never end up stable And you'll never see my face Deadbeat Doesn't mean what it used to Empty Cause of what we've been through I think You made me feel dependent Just so I could never end it Now i'm independent And the wounds were never mended So the only place your mentioned Is in therapy Cause youre a Deadbeat Doesn't mean what it used to Empty Cause of what we've been through I hate That this is what it's come to Silence Of the lambs Silence every lamb Silenced by the hand that feeds Cause it's The same hand that beats Every nail into the coffin every bruise into our skin Used to think of you so often But the bond Has been broken Used to think we were akin Now i know we're nothing alike Cause when you held the knife To my throat I mean literally Held a knife to my throat I said no I told myself when I get old You'd never get to Hold A place in my life You still have a space in my mind Cause I carry weight that I hide And I wish that things were different That i had a relationship with my siblings But I still have to keep my distance So you don't hurt me like you did when I was young And and full of visions Though I think that you're the reason That I continued breathing But you remain the reason I continue grieving And giving Excuses To people who just wanna help I hate the hold you have on me still controlled in ways I see I broke the mold but can't believe Im still controlled by somebody That has become so dead to me Deadbeat Doesn't mean what it used to Empty Cause of what we've been through I think You made me feel dependent Just so I could never end it Now i'm independent And the wounds were never mended So the only place your mentioned Is in therapy Cause youre a Deadbeat Doesn't mean what it used to Empty Cause of what we've been through I hate That this is what it's come to