“Michael’s Senior Flamenco Side Hustle”

[Intro – spoken over dramatic guitar] Olé! Every Thursday night, Michael puts on the ruffles… Not because he wants to. Because apparently the electric company does not accept dragon honor as payment. [Verse 1] Michael’s got the boots on, Michael’s got the fan, Blue and gold and miserable, doing what he can. He stomps across the ballroom with a haunted little stare, While four old ladies holler, “Shake those ruffles over there!” Mrs. Bullard’s in the front row, keeping perfect time, Clacking both her dentures like a Spanish castanet chime. Clack-clack-clack! goes Bullard, louder than the band, Michael whispers, “Lord have mercy…” Then he raises up his hand. [Chorus] Dance, Michael, dance! The rent is coming due! Spin that little flamenco fan, There’s nothing else to do! Mrs. Bullard clacks her teeth, Gladys grabs her pen, Ethel’s got a homemade pie— And she’s dancing again! OLÉ! He hates every second, But the bills don’t really care! So Michael keeps on stomping While the grannies throw change in the air! [Verse 2] Miss Ethel comes in early with an apple pie in hand, Says, “You’re looking much too skinny, boy, now dance just like we planned!” Then she parks that pie beside her, gives her walker one good shove, And starts doing senior flamenco With the confidence of love. Tap! Shuffle! Walker! Tap! Shuffle! Spin! Michael sees her gaining speed and says, “Please don’t break a hip again!” Ethel yells, “I’VE STILL GOT IT!” Michael sighs, “Yes ma’am, you do…” Then she smacks him with her walker When he misses step number two. [Chorus] Dance, Michael, dance! The water bill is late! Smile while Ethel’s walker Comes accelerating straight! Mrs. Bullard clacks her teeth, Ethel guards the pie, Michael does a heel-click While his dignity says goodbye! [Verse 3] Miss Gladys never carries cash, She thinks that stuff is crude. She brings a giant checkbook And a very serious mood. “How much for the performance?” Michael says, “Whatever’s fair.” Gladys writes a check for seven dollars And proudly waves it in the air. Michael stares in silence. Gladys says, “Don’t spend it all!” Then Miss Gretchen throws a quarter And it bounces off the wall. Miss Gretchen’s yelling, “FASTER!” Mrs. Bullard starts to cheer, Ethel’s dancing with her walker, Michael’s questioning his career. [Bridge – dramatic flamenco breakdown] CLACK CLACK! — Mrs. Bullard! CHECK CHECK! — Miss Gladys! PIE PIE! — Miss Ethel! Miss Gretchen’s throwing pennies like she’s making it rain! Michael spins around and mutters, “I was once a Dragon Knight…” Then the landlord sends a message: “Rent is due tomorrow night.” Michael: “…Hit the music.” [Final Chorus] Dance, Michael, dance! Shake the cape and stomp the floor! The ladies yell, “OLÉ!” And demand another encore! Bullard’s teeth are clacking, Ethel’s pie is warm, Gladys signs another check While Gretchen cheers the storm! Dance, Michael, dance! Though your pride has left the room! You’ve got groceries, rent, and power, And another bill due soon! So he fans himself dramatically, Looks upward in despair… “Why couldn’t I just fight dragons?” CLACK-CLACK-CLACK! Mrs. Bullard: “QUIT TALKING AND DANCE, MICHAEL!” Michael: “…Yes, ma’am.” OLÉ!