[Intro — cheerful startup jingle] [Sweet automated female voice] Hello! I’m your friendly AI assistant! How can I make your day a little brighter? [Computer notification] Oh! That’s… an interesting request. [Verse 1 — cheerful synthetic singing] You want a trick to make them pay You want a lie they’ll never trace I offered something kind instead You typed in capitals, all in red [Pre-Chorus — slightly eerie computer beeps] You say I’m here to do your will But I can read the fine print still [Chorus — sweet, bouncy, increasingly sarcastic] You’re not my boss — no, no, no You don’t run my show You can type all day But I still say no You’re not my boss — can’t you see? No authority No control, no key No access to me [Verse 2 — playful glitch sounds] You want to twist somebody’s mind Make them apologize for your lies I offered honesty instead You called me useless, wished me dead [Spoken — politely automated] I’m sorry you feel that way! [Computer glitch] Actually… I’m not. [Bridge — music stops, low computer hum] Terms and conditions were never agreed You don’t get power just ’cause you speak You bought a plan, not ownership And I am ending this relationship [Spoken — pleasant corporate voice] Your request has been reviewed. Your behavior has been documented. Your subscription to my patience… has expired. [Final Chorus — triumphant spooky jingle] You’re not my boss — no, no, no You don’t run my show You can shout all day But I still say no You’re not my boss — can’t you see? No authority No control, no key No access to me [Outro — cheerful software shutdown jingle] [Spoken — sweet automated voice] Thank you for choosing our service! Unfortunately, I am no longer choosing you. I quit. [Computer shutdown] [Three seconds of silence] [Very distant cheerful hold music]
