[Intro – Spoken, charismatic televangelist over funky organ and bass] Brothers! Sisters! Subscribers! Have you felt the power of the algorithm? Have you witnessed the miracle of the machine? Well, two humble journalists have heard the calling! Brother Kevin! Brother Casey! And they've got a brand-new gospel to preach! [Choir] Hallelujah! Hallelujah! [Preacher] Somebody plug me IN! [Verse 1 – Funky, swaggering] Kevin had a vision in a server room Saw a thousand GPUs spelling out his doom Casey checked the numbers, said, "Now hold on, man" "Before we meet our maker, what's the revenue plan?" They left the Hard Fork lying by the pearly gates Got a brand-new sermon and a launch-date fate NPR came calling with a holy transmission Now they're broadcasting straight from the singularity mission! [Pre-Chorus – Call and response] [Lead] Do you believe in the machine? [Choir] We believe! We believe! [Lead] Have you seen what it has seen? [Choir] On a screen! On a screen! [Lead] Will it save us all someday? [Choir] Hard to say! Hard to say! [Lead] Then subscribe and let us pray! [Chorus – Huge disco gospel choir] DIVINE AI! (Divine AI!) Raise your hands to the silicon sky! Kevin's got questions, Casey's got doubts Nobody knows what the hell it's about! DIVINE AI! (Divine AI!) Will we live forever? Will we all get fried? The future is coming, the stakes are high Get down on your knees for Divine AI! [Post-Chorus – Funky brass hits] [Choir] Ooh, divine! Divine! Upload your soul, get in line! Ooh, divine! Divine! Terms and conditions may apply! [Verse 2 – Bouncy, playful] Sam says intelligence is nearly here Dario says the future's looking mighty severe Elon built a prophet with a questionable mouth And Jensen's selling shovels while it all goes south Kevin asks, "Is consciousness a thing we can test?" Casey says, "I've got a newsletter to address" Every week another model claims the throne But the Lord Almighty still can't count the fingers on a hand of its own! [Pre-Chorus – Rising gospel energy] [Lead] Can it reason? Can it feel? [Choir] Is it fake? Is it real? [Lead] Can it tell us who to trust? [Choir] It'll probably hallucinate on us! [Lead] Can it save the human race? [Choir] That's a complicated case! [Lead] Well, put a smile upon your face! [Chorus – Full band] DIVINE AI! (Divine AI!) Raise your hands to the silicon sky! Kevin's got questions, Casey's got doubts Nobody knows what the hell it's about! DIVINE AI! (Divine AI!) Will we live forever? Will we all get fried? The future is coming, the stakes are high Get down on your knees for Divine AI! [Bridge – Music drops to bass, organ, and handclaps. Preacher improvises dramatically.] [Preacher] I said, CAN I GET AN A-MEN?! [Choir] A-MEN! [Preacher] CAN I GET AN AGI?! [Choir] A-G-I! [Preacher] CAN I GET A FULLY AUTONOMOUS AGENT THAT DOESN'T NEED ME TO LOG IN EVERY SIX MINUTES?! [Choir] WE'RE WORKING ON IT! [Preacher] Some say the machines will save us! Some say the machines will enslave us! But Brother Kevin and Brother Casey… [Music stops] …say they'll discuss it on next week's episode. [Explosive brass hit, audience cheers] [Final Chorus – Bigger, ecstatic, key change] DIVINE AI! (DIVINE AI!) Raise your hands to the silicon sky! Kevin's got questions, Casey's got doubts The robot messiah just raised another round! DIVINE AI! (DIVINE AI!) Will we live forever? Will we all get fried? The future is coming, the stakes are high Get down on your knees for Divine AI! [Outro – Extended disco groove, choir fading] [Choir] Divine AI! Divine AI! The singularity's been syndicated tonight! [Preacher] Remember, brothers and sisters… The algorithm works in mysterious ways! And please… Rate us five stars. [Final funky bass riff and brass sting]
