A Country Boy?

(Verse 1) I was raised in the pines, where the GPS fails But I’m ordering groceries through the digital mail I got a shotgun in the closet, it’s covered in dust It’s a decorative relic, a monument to rust I don’t know what a trotline is, or how to bait a hook I’d rather learn to forage from a YouTube cooking book My truck is a sedan, it’s got a hybrid engine hum If the grid goes down tomorrow, well, I’m feeling pretty ____. (Chorus) ’Cause this country boy can survive... oh wait, no I can’t! I’m allergic to the pollen of every single plant I got a tiny little dog, he’s a nervous little guy If he saw a squirrel hunting, he would probably run and hide I can’t skin a buck, I can’t run a trotline I’m just a city-dweller in a rural design Yeah, this country boy can survive... oh wait, no I can’t! (Verse 2) My neighbors talk of venison and living off the land I’m just trying to get a signal so I can check my brand I don’t own a tractor, I don’t own a plow I get a panic attack if I’m standing near a cow If the world hits the fan and the lights go to black I’ll be searching for a charger for my battery pack I’m a master of the Wi-Fi, a king of the stream But living in the wild is a survivalist’s dream—that I’ll never achieve. (Chorus) ’Cause this country boy can survive... oh wait, no I can’t! I’m allergic to the pollen of every single plant I got a tiny little dog, he’s a nervous little guy If he saw a squirrel hunting, he would probably run and hide I can’t skin a buck, I can’t run a trotline I’m just a city-dweller in a rural design Yeah, this country boy can survive... oh wait, no I can’t! (Outro) Maybe I’ll learn to garden, maybe I’ll learn to fish But for now, I’m just ordering a gourmet dish Yeah, this country boy can survive... (actually, let’s call for help!).