GRAVITY [Intro — spoken over filtered 2-step beat] Oi, listen up... Mass attracts mass, yeah? Proper fundamental business. No mucking about. [Beat kicks] The force of two objects Is proportional to their mass! And inversely proportional To the square of the distance between them! YEEEEAAAH! [Verse 1] Big mass, big pull, that’s Newton’s law, Double up the distance, quarter the draw. G times M-one, M-two on top, R-squared underneath— Mate, mind the drop! To Newton it was an apple, To Einstein it was warped, To me it is painful— Falling out the pub! Had three jars, got barred, Now I’m chatting with the kerb, Gravity’s a proper mug, But the maths is still superb. [Pre-Chorus] Down the apples and pears, Don’t trip on your plates, Spacetime tells matter How to navigate. Matter tells spacetime: “Oi, bend over there!” Next thing you know You’re arse-over-chair. [Drop / Chorus] GRAVITY! Pullin’ me down! GRAVITY! All over town! Massive bit of physics, Proper universal, Started walking vertical— Ended up horizontal! GRAVITY! You cheeky git! One over R-squared— That’s the size of it! [UKG bass drop] BOH! BOH! [Verse 2] Einstein said, “Nah mate, Force ain’t quite the story— Mass bends spacetime,” Bit more elegant, more glory. Geodesic motion, Free fall through the metric, Tell that to my knees, bruv, Landing weren’t symmetric. I was having a chinwag, Now I’m brown bread on the pavement— Well, not literally, mate, That would ruin the arrangement. Trouble and strife says, “You’ve had enough tonight.” I says, “Babe, I’m demonstrating A trajectory in flight.” [Break — spoken] See, locally... I’m in an inertial reference frame. [pause] The pavement disagrees. [DROP] WHEEEEY! [Chorus] GRAVITY! Pullin’ me down! GRAVITY! All over town! Massive bit of physics, Proper universal, Started walking vertical— Ended up horizontal! GRAVITY! You cheeky git! One over R-squared— That’s the size of it! [Bridge — half-time] Earth pulls me, I pull Earth too, Equal interaction— Newton says it’s true. Technically the planet Moves toward me a bit... [pause] Not enough to help, Does it? [Bass wobble] Absolute liberty. [Verse 3] Twenty quid in my sky rocket, Dog and bone on three percent, Trying to find the night bus, No idea where it went. Britney Spears are freezing, Boat race looking rough, I’ve done enough experiments— The evidence is enough. Apples and pears? Nah, mate, take the lift. Potential energy’s lovely Till your centre of mass shifts. Acceleration little g, Nine-point-eight-ish near the ground, Give or take your latitude— [SFX: THUD] There I go again. [Final build] Newton had an apple! Einstein bent the lot! I had six pints of lager— Guess which theory I got? MASS! DISTANCE! SPACETIME CURVATURE! Mate, somebody call me an Uber. [Final Drop] GRAVITY! YOU’RE HAVIN’ A LAUGH! Inverse-square law And I’m flat on my arse! GRAVITY! From the stars to the boozer! Fundamental interaction— And a Saturday-night loser! Two masses get closer, Attraction gets strong, Two blokes leave the pub and— EVERYTHING GOES WRONG! [Outro — beat fading] To Newton it was an apple... To Einstein it was warped... To me... [distant crash] ...it’s gonna bloody hurt in the morning. YEEEEAAAH!
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