The Taxman's Lament

[Spoken Word] Ladies and gentlemen, gather 'round! You think you OWN your land? Oh no, my friend, the taxman owns YOU! [Verse 1] Tax his land, tax his bed, Tax the table where he’s fed! Tax his tractor, tax his mule, Teach him taxes are the rule! [Verse 2] Tax his work, tax his pay, He works for peanuts anyway! Tax his cow, tax his goat, Tax his pants, tax his coat! [Chorus] (Dramatic pause... whispering...) Ohhh, they tax it ALL, my friend... You work, you sweat, The IRS comes, and you REGRET! [Verse 3] Tax his car, tax his gas, Find new ways to tax his—ahem—backside! Tax all he has, tax him again, Leave him broke… and then tax his friends! [Spoken Interlude] Oh but wait, there’s more! You thought you were done? No, no, no, my dear taxpayer… the list goes on! [Fast-Paced Section] Inheritance Tax, Property Tax, CDL, Liquor, and Dog License Tax! Fishing Tax, Hunting Tax, Tax your wedding, tax your snacks! [Build-Up] Telephone Tax, Gasoline Tax, Tax the air, tax the tracks! Oh, my friend, you can’t escape, Even in DEATH—your fate awaits! [Final Verse] Then tax his coffin, tax his grave, Tax the sod where he's been laid... Put these words upon his tomb: "Taxes drove me to my doom!" [Outro – Spoken] And when he’s gone, don’t you relax… The inheritance tax has got your back!