[Intro] [jingle bells] (...) [choir] "...Oh, the table’s set and the turkey's carved" "The stockings hung with care" "But soon the feast will start to spark" "A yuletide family.... scare !" [Verse 1] Uncle Joe’s got a story to share, Starts with, “Back in my day.” But before he can finish his tale, He’s gone off on why “progress” is gay. [hook] Oh, Oh, Oh !! [Chorus] Oh Oh Oh, it’s Christmas time grab your glass of wine Pass the gravy and the family shame. Oh, oh, oh ! It’s a holly jolly, semi-folly Welcome to the Blamemas game ! [melodic christmas interlude][bells] [Verse 2] Grandma's glaring at Sally's plate “What’s this tofu surprise?” “I don’t need my food to moo But thanks for the judgmental eyes.” Then cousin Bob takes a deep, deep breath And starts on his debate ! “Why don't we just deport them all?” Oh, oh, oh, look, we’ve sealed our fate. [Chorus] Oh, oh, oh, it’s Christmas time bring the gin and lime Stuff the stocking full of disdain. Oh, Oh, Oh !! It’s a merry, scary, quite contrary Deck the halls with guilt and pain! [Instrumental solo]cherry and joyful] (......) (......) (......) [Bridge] Aunt Sue just asked who John’s dating now... And he tries to steer the talk.... “Oh, it’s Peter, and we’re quite happy—” Awkward silence around the christmas feast... “Lord, I need a walk!” Then the pie goes flying, forks held high Like gladiators in Rome. Who knew a fruitcake could weaponize And make Uncle Joe head for home ? and everybody wished they spent christmas all alone !!! [Verse 3] Dad's drunk and saying words like "woke" "WOKE WOKE WOKE !!!" Mom's in tears by the ham. Little Timmy just wants his gifts But the presents are a sham. Oh noooooooo ! [Sleigh bells] (- - -) [Hook] OH ! OH ! OH ! [Chorus] Oh, oh, oh it’s Christmas time joy’s a pantomime Stuffing’s burnt, and the truth’s laid bare. Oh, oh, oh ! It’s a crazy, hazy, passive-aggressive daisy Let’s pretend we all still care! [Instrumental interlude][tuba] (.....) (.....) [Outro][choir] Oh, oh, oh ! So Merry Christmas ! one and all ! From this battleground we hold. ‘Tis the season for love and peace But mostly just eggnog cold. Oh NO ! [END]
