Well, here we are again, it seems, I've been meaning to say a few things. I've had some better weeks, I think, But the calendar disagrees. Some mornings I can't lift a finger, Some nights I feel I could move the earth, And just when I start feeling like myself, I wonder which one got here first. I bought a refrigerator. You asked me why. I said the old one died. You nodded kindly, wrote it down, And something in me hid. Now every good day feels like evidence, Every worry gets a file, And I've learned to look a little tired Whenever I want to smile. You write it down, I pay the fee, Same time Thursday, then? You ask me how I feel, I say fine, I wish I knew… yeah, I do. (Same time Thursday, then?) Don't sleep too little, don't sleep too much, Don't get carried away, don't lose your touch. Don't get too high, don't get too low, And if you ever find the middle, I'd like to know. You write it down, I pay the fee, But am I well or well-behaved? You seem to like me when I agree, And I'm not sure that's the same as… free? I've had a few before you, Each of them meant well. One prescribed me something strong, And the loud things went to still. It was a mercy, that's the trouble, I slept, I ate, I stayed, But I couldn't tell the calm From something being drained. If I'm busy, I'm avoiding, If I'm idle, I'm unwell, If I tell you I'm improving, There's a reason I can't tell. My victories need verifying, My failures need a name, And the things I thought were private Have become part of the game. You ask a question, I supply a clue, And the more I learn about myself, The more I sound like you. You write it down, I pay the fee... No. Not this time. I slowed things down, with care this time, I told you what I'd tried. I stopped hiding how it felt And stopped pretending I was fine. The worst I feared forgot to come, Never claimed its prize, And something better walked back in, Looking me straight in the eyes. You can write down that I'm leaving, But I won't be sorry for goodbye. I said, I'm feeling fine. And this time, it's no lie.
