It became a running joke, Could I ever write down what we just said? The truth flares bright between us, Then vanishes, baby, vanishes instead. Rule number one — I scrawl in ink: Don’t start from what you’re not. Blueprints for a better me? Tried it. Failed. Forgot. [Chorus - Guitars open full strum · Tambourine on 2 & 4 · Bass slides into each chord.] This is my evil plan — yeah! Grow tomatoes, in the frying pan, Be the Lizard King if I damn well can. Not just normal, baby, I wanna be grand. Sing poems at the dive bar, write checks I can’t cash, Do yoga, drink whiskey, make a mad dash. [Verse — slightly off kilter sudden tempo shift, “Warm Gun” mode] He said he was the Lizard King… Well, me too, I swing like a pendulum thing. He called me Lizard Queen, I laughed Then lost myself inside a draft. (Draft of what? Doesn’t matter) The garden grows its crooked green, Tomatoes traded for a dream. And those who plant a ragged row Are taught by neighbors how to grow. [Bridge -gentle, “Dear Prudence” style lift] The sublime and the stupid — side by side. A burlesque of truth I no longer hide. I don’t want safe. I want fun. I want to strip down laughing in the midday sun. Wear the crazy thing like it's my skin Pretend it’s my first time again. [Chorus 2 – Rising tempo] This is my evil plan! Grow zucchinis in a coffee can, Channel ghosts from a soda stand, Be Beer Garden royalty, bare feet in the sand. Write epiphanies in traffic, burn bridges with flair, Treat strangers like friends — pretend I care. [Refrain – Spoken call and response] What happens? (What happens?) What happens when I stop pretending? (Stop pretending!) What happens when the beat keeps lending Me a life I can dance in, A life I can end in. [Final Chorus - full harmony bloom] This is my evil plan — to grow what I can, In a beer-garden town with a notebook in hand. Don’t want to be a brand, don’t want to be bland, Let me be strange — this is my evil plan. Not perfect, not polished, just real as I am, Let me be messy, let me be grand, Let me begin — this is my evil plan. [Outro – Whisper / Shout cycle] Stand up straight. That’s the start. That’s the whole damn plan. (yeah… yeah…) Stand up straight. That’s the start. That’s the whole damn plan. [fade out on organ swirl and heartbeat drum]
