WHAT LIFE LOOKS LIKE AFTER THE… (Insert your age…) [Intro – Spoken, dry female voice, old medical announcement, faint tape hiss] Ladies and gentlemen. Please remain calm. Before getting out of bed: Check your pulse. Check your blood pressure. Check whether you remember where you are. And whatever you do… Don't cough. [Beat begins – crooked, lurching rhythm] [Verse 1 – Talk-singing, intimate, slightly amused] Woke up in the same room again, Pill bottles lined like little soldiers in formation. One for the morning, two for the night, One for the thing that isn't quite right. Don't cough, don't sneeze, don't breathe too loud, Blood pressure cuff is feeling rather proud. Take a deep breath, if you're allowed, Today's survival looks promising now. [Verse 2 – Rhythmic spoken delivery, broken beat] Lenses out, contacts in a plastic grave, Where did I put the glasses? The ones I just saved? Alarm set for seven, six forty-five, six-thirty, Just in case the body forgets it's not thirty. The wine glass winks at good intentions, The medicine cabinet offers suggestions. Morning arrives wearing cement shoes, But somehow I manage to find my two shoes. [Short instrumental collision – scratching, chopped vocal fragments] [Spoken female voice, almost whispering] Why am I in this room? What was I looking for? Never mind. Probably something important. [Chorus – Ridiculously cheerful cabaret jingle, exaggerated confidence] DON'T COUGH! DON'T DROP! Don't forget how to stand! Don't die in your sleep! That's the new wonderland! What life looks like after the… (Insert your age!) When the lights start to flicker and fade, You measure your blood like it's gold in a vein, You swallow the clock, you remember your name! [Backing voices – absurdly enthusiastic] Da-da-da! Winner for leaving the bed! Da-da-da! Still got a pulse in your head! Repeat it tomorrow, repeat it again, Another great victory in the medicine game! [Verse 3 – Music strips back, deadpan spoken-sung] Today's achievements: Successfully identified the bedroom. Remembered the purpose of breakfast. Located both slippers. Opened the fridge. Forgot why. Closed the fridge. A productive morning. No complaints. [Beat returns, increasingly crooked] The knees have opinions, the back has a view, The left shoulder's staging a coup. The stomach is holding a private debate, And something is clicking near vertebrae eight. The calendar says it's only Tuesday, The body insists it's been through a war. I used to have plans for the future, Now I have appointments galore. [Chorus – Bigger, mock-triumphant, deliberately ridiculous] DON'T COUGH! DON'T DROP! Don't forget how to stand! Don't die in your sleep! That's the new wonderland! What life looks like after the… (Insert your age!) When the lights start to flicker and fade, You measure your blood like it's gold in a vein, You swallow the clock, you remember your name! [Gang vocals – chopped, scratched, increasingly manic] DA-DA-DA! Winner for leaving the bed! DA-DA-DA! Still got a pulse in your head! One more day! One more round! Still remarkably upright and sound! [Breakdown – Music suddenly cuts out] [Spoken, official announcement, slightly distorted] Attention please. A minor technical issue has been reported. The patient has forgotten why they entered the kitchen. Please allow sufficient time for system recovery. Do not panic. Do not run. Running is no longer recommended. [Silence] [Whispered] Was I going somewhere? [Final section – Slow, lurching half-time, haunting vocal fragments] Years slip by like socks down the laundry chute, Weeks blink and suddenly it's next year's pursuit. If you wake up and the ceiling still exists, Call yourself a winner. You have achieved consciousness. [Voice begins fragmenting, repeated phrases] Sleep well, if able… If not, pretend… Repeat, repeat… Till the end… Check your pulse… Remember your name… Take your pills… And do it again… [Outro – Sparse ticking, distant female voice, almost conversational] What life looks like after the… (Insert your age…) [Long pause] Well… At least we're still here. [One last clock tick] [End – abrupt cut, no musical resolution]
