(Intro — A flatline tone. Wind howling through an empty room. A pill bottle rattling. A distant scream swallowed by reverb. A hollow voice, barely there.) I didn't wanna die... I just didn't wanna be... There's a difference... Nobody asks what the difference is... (beat drops — slow, dragging, like a body being pulled through ash) --- The bottom ain't a place you visit It's a residence, a forwarding address I moved in at fifteen, never really left Just learned to decorate the emptiness With bottles, with smoke, with anything that numbs 'Cause feeling nothing is better than feeling numb And numb is better than feeling everything at once When everything at once is a loaded gun Pointed at your chest by your own hand And you're begging for the trigger to understand That you don't want the bang, you want the silence before You want the quiet that existed before you were born --- I drank 'til the voices became a mumble I took mushrooms 'til the walls began to crumble And for a few hours the world made sense Not good sense — just a different kind of dense A fog that wrapped around my brain like a blanket And I called it peace 'cause peace was what I made it But peace don't come from the bottom of a bottle Peace don't grow from the spores you swallow Peace ain't found in the bed of a stranger Peace is a myth they sell to contain the danger Of realizing that some of us are built without it Born without the piece that makes the puzzle fitted --- The hospital bed became a second home White sheets, white walls, white noise, alone Nurses asking questions I can't answer right Like "do you have a plan" every single night And I'd lie, say no, 'cause the truth gets you locked In a room with no laces, no belts, no clocks Just time — endless, stretching, suffocating time And you're counting every second like a mountain you climb But the mountain don't end, the summit don't come You just keep climbing 'til your fingers go numb And then you climb some more 'cause what else is there When the only way out is the one you prepare In the back of your mind, in the dark of your skull Where the rope and the blade and the pills have a pull That's stronger than love, stronger than hope Stronger than any lifeline anybody ever threw --- Now I walk through days like a ghost through a town Where the buildings are standing but nobody's around Empty streets, empty stores, empty faces Empty conversations in empty places I laugh when I'm supposed to, I nod when I should I say "I'm getting better" like getting better is good But better is just a word that means "less worse" And less worse is still a universe Away from okay, away from fine Away from the person I left behind At fifteen, at twelve, at nine years old When the first dark thought took a hold And never let go, and never will And I'm learning to live with the chill Of a soul that's been frostbitten from the start Of a heart that's been a ghost town from the first beat it sparked --- This the ill mind of Ripper The one who tears himself apart Not for attention, not for art Just because he doesn't know How to live without the dark How to breathe without the weight How to love without the hate How to stand without the shake How to give without the take How to be a human being When being human feels like faking Every breath, every smile, every waking Moment is a performance for the taking And the audience left years ago Now it's just me and the echo Of a life that could've been If the dark had never crept in --- (Bridge — Everything drops. Just wind. A single heartbeat. A voice so hollow it barely registers as human.) They ask me what's wrong... I don't know how to answer... Because nothing's wrong... Nothing's been wrong for years... That's the problem... Nothing... (industrial swell — a scream that never comes, just pressure building and releasing into more nothing) I'M EMPTY! YOU HEAR ME?! EMPTY! AND EMPTY DON'T HEAL! EMPTY JUST ECHOES! --- (Outro — Flatline continuing. Wind howling. A pill bottle rattling one last time. A whisper, softer than dust.) I didn't wanna die... I just wanted to feel something... Anything... But the ghost town stayed empty... And so did I... (flatline) (wind fades) (nothing)
