[Brief musical intro] [VERSE 1 — The Record Deal] Hey diddle diddle, The cat signed a deal, With a label that promised him gold. He bought seven guitars, Two expensive sports cars, And a mansion he couldn't afford. The fiddle got dropped When the royalties stopped, The producer said, “Cats are passé.” Now he's live-streaming tunes From his mom's living room, With a “Please Buy My Merch” overlay. [VERSE 2 — The Space Program] The cow jumped the moon On a Tuesday afternoon, But NASA said, “This is a concern.” They issued a fine For crossing the line And demanded the spacesuit returned. Now she's wearing a dome Made of recycled foam, With a GoPro strapped on her head. She sells lunar milk In a carton of silk, And claims she saw cheese up there instead. [VERSE 3 — The Dog's Career] The little dog laughed At the whole cosmic draft, Then a talent scout offered a deal. Now he's starring in shows With designer dog clothes, And a podcast on how to “manifest real.” He has millions of fans, A line of dog pans, And a sponsorship deal worth a bone. But he still laughs at night At the cow's lunar flight, While his therapist answers the phone. [VERSE 4 — The Divorce] The dish ran away With the spoon yesterday, But the marriage was already strained. The spoon had been caught In a scandalous plot With a fork who was recently framed. Now the dish wants the house, The spoon wants the mouse, And the colander's taking a side. The judge banged a pan And said, “Here's the plan: You'll split all the cutlery wide.” [VERSE 5 — The Fiddle's Revenge] The fiddle went viral For starting a spiral Of angry, acoustic diss tracks. He called out the cat For leaving him flat Just to run from his overdue tax. Now they're battling live For the number-one five, With the dog as the host of the show. The cow sends a tweet From her moon-based retreat: “Can you all please give it a go?” [OUTRO — The Final Hearing] Hey diddle diddle, The case is a riddle, The moon has retained an attorney. The cat owes the bank, The cow's helmet's dank, And the dish wants a postnuptial journey. The dog laughs again, The spoon hires a friend, And the fiddle files copyright claims. It's a modern-day mess In a world under stress— And nobody remembers their names.
