Packed a bag of answers, thought I’d finally arrive Had the books corners-folded, highlighters, underlinin’ lies Told myself I knew the code, knew the pattern in between But the pages started bleedin’ everything fresh clean Labels on my identity, categories on my soul Like if I named it, claimed it, I could finally feel whole Then the ground gave way, The road just fell and went away What you built on yesterday ain’t promised for today See I was chasin’ certainty like it was something I could hold But certainty’s a shadow dressed in luxury and gold Every answer that I held to turned to dust inside my palm Had to learn that losing everything can sometimes be the cure I’m always becoming, never really done Losing what I clung to, finding I’m the one Still learning, unlearning - like breathing in and out This holy doubt, this holy doubt This holy doubt Used to chase the mountain like it was a single peak to climb Thought enlightenment was linear, thought wisdom moved in lines Now I walk through quiet valleys much closer to the ground And I let the questions breathe in me before I chase the sound Every story that I outgrew left a scar that softened slow Like the space between the inhale and the exhale that I blow Seen my brothers chase the answers till the answers made them hard Seen my sisters dress their wounds in doctrine, hiding every scar But there’s something in the not-knowing that’ll crack you like the dawn Something wordless in the breaking that was there when you were born I don’t need the peak no more - I need the valley and the ache I need the soft uncertain thing that vibrates wide awake I’m always becoming, never really done Losing what I clung to, finding I’m the one Still learning, unlearning - like breathing in and out This holy doubt, this holy doubt This holy doubt Peelin’ off old meanings one by one by one Every skin I shed convinced me that I finally was done But something always opens - then the dam just breaks Like water finding cracks in every step I take They want you fixed and finished, want you packaged on the shelf But a man in constant motion can’t be owned by someone else The road keeps on unfolding past the edges of the map And the self I was this morning - yeah, he’s never coming back So let’s raise a glass to every version left behind Every certainty I buried, every truth I had to find This unfinished feeling - that’s the proof that I’m alive Not a failure, not a fracture - it’s the reason I survived They’ll tell you that you need to have it figured out. They’ll sell you certainty like it’s something real. But the most alive I ever felt… was standing in the question. Arms open. Not knowing. And choosing to stay anyway. That’s the holy part.
