The Missing Cat Poster

[SCENE — COMMUNITY BULLETIN BOARD, SATURDAY MORNING] [sound design: stapler clicks, birds chirping, paper rustling] [Concerned Homeowner: worried female voice] Has anyone seen Oliver? [Neighbor: curious male voice] The orange one? [Concerned Homeowner: worried female voice] Yes. He's been gone almost two days. [Neighbor: curious male voice] Oh no... [sound cue: dramatic newspaper sting] [News Reporter: serious broadcast voice] A beloved neighborhood cat has vanished, prompting a widespread search effort. [VERSE 1: NEWS REPORTER] Posters hanging on every pole Neighborhood trying to fill the hole Photos printed, flyers shared Everybody showing they cared Descriptions posted far and wide Favorite spots and places he'd hide Reward offered, phone line live The search is now block-wide [VERSE 1B: ORANGE CAT] [Orange Cat: relaxed, carefree male voice] Meanwhile I'm on a patio chair Getting brushed by a millionaire Had some salmon around noon Might stick around another room There's a screened-in porch nearby Excellent service, won't lie Fresh water and afternoon shade Honestly, I've got it made [PRE-CHORUS: ALL] Humans worry, cats explore Different views of outdoor lore [CHORUS: ALL] The missing cat poster's everywhere Every mailbox, every square The missing cat poster's making news While the cat is choosing afternoon views The missing cat poster's coast to coast Meanwhile he's somebody else's guest host [VERSE 2: CONCERNED HOMEOWNER] [Concerned Homeowner: worried female voice] Checked the garage and under the deck Called his name and circled the block to check Asked the neighbors, searched the creek Been looking nearly all week [VERSE 2B: ORANGE CAT] [Orange Cat: relaxed, carefree male voice] Wednesday lunch on Cherry Lane Thursday breakfast in the rain Friday naps on Maple Street This neighborhood's impossible to beat [PRE-CHORUS] Every sighting starts a chase Every tip sends folks someplace [CHORUS] The missing cat poster's everywhere Every mailbox, every square The missing cat poster's making news While the cat is choosing afternoon views The missing cat poster's coast to coast Meanwhile he's somebody else's guest host [BRIDGE] [sound cue: bass drops low, neighborhood chatter] [Neighbor #1: excited female voice] I saw him yesterday! [Neighbor #2: excited male voice] No, that was Tuesday! [Neighbor #3: older female voice] He was sleeping on my patio furniture! [Concerned Homeowner: shocked female voice] Why didn't you tell me? [Neighbor #3] He looked busy. [sound cue: cats purring] [Orange Cat: relaxed, carefree male voice] I was. [FINAL CHORUS] The missing cat poster's everywhere String and tape are in the air The missing cat poster's making news While the cat is collecting neighborhood reviews The missing cat poster's quite the hit The cat never knew about any of it [OUTRO] [sound cue: evening crickets, screen door opens] [Concerned Homeowner: relieved female voice] Oliver! [Orange Cat: relaxed, carefree male voice] Oh. You're here too. [Concerned Homeowner] Where have you been? [Orange Cat] Working. [Concerned Homeowner] Working? [Orange Cat] Maintaining community relations. [sound cue: purr, fade out]