[Verse 1] He grew it in the springtime, when the frost had barely gone, Said, "I’m gonna look like Waylon," but buddy, he was wrong. It curled up at the edges, like a possum in the trash, Lord, I can’t stop starin’ at Kevin's terrible mustache. [Chorus] Oh, Kevin, Kevin, what have you done? That patchy lip ferret ain’t foolin’ no one. You’re tryin’ for rugged, but it’s more like a rash, We’re all prayin’ for mercy from Kevin’s terrible mustache. [Verse 2] He waxed it up on Sunday, like he’s got some rodeo pride, But it’s thin as a whisper, and crooked on one side. Looks like a caterpillar got drunk and tried to dash, But it froze in the headlights—Kevin’s terrible mustache. [Prechorus] You call it a statement, I call it a crime, That thing’s been haunting me, time after time. [Chorus] Oh, Kevin, Kevin, what have you done? That patchy lip ferret ain’t foolin’ no one. You’re tryin’ for rugged, but it’s more like a rash, We’re all prayin’ for mercy from Kevin’s terrible mustache. [Bridge] Now the town’s in an uproar, folks beggin’ him to shave, Even old Miss Wanda said, "Son, it’s time to behave." But he strokes it like a villain, thinks he’s some outlaw flash, While we’re all just sufferin’ Kevin’s terrible mustache.
