Excuse me, miss… I don’t normally do this. Yes, you do. …yeah, I do. How you doin’? Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you’re the only ten I see. I'm from Ohio. Close enough for me. Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by twice? Keep walking. No, seriously. Keep walking. Damn… playing hard to get, Nice. Is your daddy a thief? ’Cause somebody stole the stars and put ’em in your eyes. My father’s a cop. Well… this suddenly feels less wise. Are your legs tired? You’ve been running through my mind all day. I’m calling security. Worth a shot. Zero for four, but who’s keeping score? Confidence says I should try one more. Please don’t. BABY, ARE YOU WIFI? ‘CAUSE I’M FEELING A CONNECTION! Are you a parking ticket? ’Cause DAMN, you got “FINE” written in every direction. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? [Music Stops] It’ll hurt when I throw you down these stairs. I knew there was something there. Are you a magician? ’Cause when I look at you, everybody disappears. They’re embarrassed for you. Jealousy. Been dealing with it for years. You got a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes. Google Maps is free. Beautiful AND gives advice. If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber. I’m trying to decide if that was flirting or if you have a head injury. If beauty were time, you’d be eternity. If stupidity was money, you’d have generational wealth. Okay. That was actually pretty good. Thank you. See? We’re bonding. We’re not. BABY, ARE YOU WIFI? ‘CAUSE I’M FEELING ’M FEELING A A CONNECTION! There’s no connection. Are you Bluetooth? ’Cause I think we should pair. I'm warning you. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Seriously. What is wrong with you? Mostly unresolved childhood issues… But tonight? Hopefully you. Jesus Christ. Are you French? ’Cause Eiffel for you. Are you a keyboard? ‘Cause you’re just my type. Are you a bank loan? ’Cause you got my interest. No. Nope. And you’re accumulating penalties. Do you like raisins? No. How about a date? haha you're not right in the head… You laughed. It slipped out. If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print. If you were a Transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine. If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple. Why is everything “fine”? Because “moderately attractive-apple” doesn’t fucking rhyme. I ain’t got game. I got persistence and terrible judgment. And pockets full of one-liners Every woman in the room knows exactly what I’m about Okay, you can stop now. Are you going to buy me a drink, or what?
